Imperial Wall: A Northumbrian AAR

[Earl Uhtred]

Yes, it's another sweary number from the Roy Chubby Brown of AAR writing.

Though it will be less tongue-in-cheek I want to make this one easier to read than Iqbal: Mine Enemy. Notably, I've included piccies, and everything not directly relevant to the flow of history is italicised and can be safely skipped. There will be less arduous dogging of the world situation too.

My aim is to play through a century or so using BIGDIC, an as-yet-untested set of economic, terrain and culture tweaks for the island of Britain linked from my signature.

In addition:
- all Small Castles and the technology removed from York, Lancaster and Cornwall. Only London has SC in 1066.
- Leon and Cornouailles (Brittany) are Welsh.
- Dublin is Norwegian (for now).
EDIT: - Transferred Northumberland to England's 'natural' area.

I play as 'Duchy of Cumberland', 1.03b, VH/aggressive. Sitting comfortably?

---

HOUSE OF LEOFRIC


Earl of Northumbria 1066-86
m. Eadgyth, 1067


Son of Morcar
Aetheling with the Haliwerfolc 1085-6
Earl of Northumbria 1086-89
m. Margaret of Atholl, 1085


Son of Leofwine
Earl of Northumbria 1089-1108
Lord of Galloway 1108
Canonised 1108
m. Christina Estrithson, 1102

[Earl Uhtred]

Bamburgh Castle, Northumberland

Imperiall wall, place palestrall
Of peirles pulcritud;
Tryumphal hall, hie trone regall
Of Godis celsitud;
Hospitall riall, the Lord of all
Thy closet did include;
Bricht ball cristall, ros virginall,
Fulfillit of angell fude.
Ave Maria, gracia plena:
Thy birth has with his blude
Fra fall mortall origianall
Us raunsound on the rude.

- William Dunbar

The 'Duchy of Cumberland' (henceforth the Earldom of Northumbria) begins the game as a vassal of the King of England. The Duke of Earl rules a four-province domain from Northumberland - Westmorland, Durham, York - and has no vassals.

And here he is. This miserable looking bastard is Morcar Leofricsson: solid, but nowt special, and no eye for detail...


Of the family we have only a brother and a nephew alive. Eadwine is two years older than Morcar and the 'Duke of Lancaster' (henceforth Earl of Chester). His son, Estmond, is a pert sixteen, and landless. All three draw from the old aristocracy. We can imagine Morcar and Northumbria less than pleased with events in the south this year.

We turn to the economy.
Erk.


Welcome to the world's arse, big man. For now, we don't interfere with tax, nor with laws. Research priorities set to chain armour, farming techniques, schools.

Here's how England looks under BIGDIC. Northumberland highlighted. (About the only immediate difference is Lancaster's court moves to Derby.)


And here's a graphic presentation of terrain and culture changes. (Until we can sort 'Norse' out, Norwegian is used, except for York - Danish.)
http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/...6&postcount=34

More to follow...

[Ksim3000]

Yes this indeed looks interesting. Write on, old chap.

[Earl Uhtred]

Thanks for the encouragement, folks

Shirking the Balance: 1066-1078

1067

Sax Appeal: Topcliffe, North Riding Jan 1 1067

Earl Morcar had little time for affairs of state. A plain-speaking, impulsive sort, no patience with subtleties, he was more at ease on the hunt than superintending the day-to-day administration of the vast area under his jurisdiction. And it was the hunt that brought him out into the country. Even a minor thaw after solstice brought the promise of sport and York could not hold him. Christmas found him at his hall at Topcliffe. On the night of the twenty-eighth, though, a hard frost had set in; most of the retinue, despairing of the hunt, had returned to their estates and Morcar was left in a stinking mood at the high table with his dogs and only a handful of his closest retainers, there to drink himself blind under the hall's gables. Lit now by a single fire, empty benches surrounded by the congealing detritus of a week's feasting stretched away into the cold darkness of the nave and the wind howled outside. And as Morcar grew drunker his mood worsened. Those of his hearth-companions who'd chosen not to drink - and on this freezing night there weren't many - could only sit on uncomfortably and pray he would soon pass out. It was well after midnight.

Unmarried, though pushing forty, Morcar lacked experience. His father had died only a few years before; Morcar's rise since then, through no effort of his own, had been meteoric, and his reign in the North was less than three months old. Installed by local interests after the chaos of 1066 had left every other candidate permanently disgraced, dead, or both, he had a hard act to follow. First there was the death of Eadweard, that unpleasantness with the southern interloper, Tostig, then the Norwegians' devastating invasion - repelled only after Harald's decimation of the northern aristocracy at Fulford - that had defaulted Morcar to prominence. Now the victor of Stamford Bridge lay dead. Was Morcar the man to bring lasting peace to the North? In his present state was he even the man to deal with the news that was galloping ever closer through the frozen night?

Time passed. Morcar slumped in his seat, but drank on. Those who felt secure enough in his presence began to nod off. Suddenly came a commotion from somewhere outside, the sound of raised voices and a moment later a large, breathless figure stood silhouetted at the door a hundred feet away. The moon was full, bathing him in soft light and casting a long shadow towards them. Morcar was not yet drunk enough not to wonder loudly where the fucking guards were.

'I bring news from London, min hlaford.'

'Oswulf? Where the hell have you been?'

'They told me you were at York, sir,' said Oswulf, stepping into the light of the fire.

'Thish had better be f... ffff...' Morcar drew himself up with a supreme effort.

Oswulf sized him up. He was clearly not in a state to absorb anything complex. 'William is King, hearra. I left London before the anointing but I gather it was due to happen on Christmas Day and...'

'What?' shouted Morcar, sending a couple of birds fluttering around the rafters. He had heard nothing from the South since William's crossing of the Thames. He had taken it for granted the nation would gather round Eadgar. Bit young, bit soft but plainly legitimate. Now Eadgar had fled, London surrendered, William was King! Men who two minutes before had been dead to the world sat bolt upright with staring eyes. It was inconcievable all right.

Oswulf needed their attention. 'Naturally William expects the fealty of every English earl. Min hlaford, I am required to return to London with your compliance.'

Silence.

'Of course, of course.' Morcar spoke calmly and surprisingly precisely. 'You must return to London, offer my felicitations to the King. Our King.' He stood, pushing his chair back and with both hands raised his cup level with his eyes. 'The King!' he shouted. No-one followed, though. Somewhere in the darkness a dog sneezed.

Oswulf smiled. This was much easier than he'd feared. 'Very good, hearra. I will return to London tomorrow. Expect me back at Rothbury by March.' He turned and left. Godric the steward met him at the door to accompany him to sleeping quarters. Aethelwine watched him go enviously. There would be no rest for Morcar's retainers tonight. Looked back to the table where Morcar had his back to them and was urinating in the corner. This seemed to go on for several minutes. 'Godric!' he yelled over his shoulder. 'Godric! Where is the bastard, eh? Godric, bring wine!'

Oh Christ no, thought Aethelwine. He felt called on to speak. 'Sir, Godric is helping Oswulf to the village. He will be back soon.'

'Did I ask you to speak? Ah? Now lads', he continued seamlessly, 'it seems we will have a new master. A Frenchman too. Interesting. Very interesting, interesting. What do you think of that, Aethelwine? More to the point, no?'

It was a trap. 'Well sir...' Aethelwine began. It was too late for this. 'Sir, I feel
we should see how things transpire. So many have died in the last twelve months, I think our main duty is to restore order to the North and not put ourselves in harm's way by...'

'Did I say we should?' slurred Morcar, his flow finally slackening. 'No, I'm delighted by this turn of events. Delighted.'

'Really?' cut in Ozurr, burgh-reeve of Ripon, unable to contain his disbelief. It was a mistake.

'No, you fool!' Morcar shouted, stumping back to his seat. 'It's a disaster!'

'What do you suggest, then?' asked Aethelwine with extreme bravado.

'I tell you, cniht... I tell you this. I vow before you now, you, Aethelwine, and you, and even you, Ozurr, we will not rest until the usurper - him and all his bestial nation are driven from our land!'

The whole gathering looked to him in utter dismay. They were far more concerned about this jumped-up sot than anything the Norman was likely to pull. If he thought the earldom in its current debilitated state - or any state - could survive open revolt against the greatest warlord in western Europe then it was time for deposal all right. His. Morcar sensed something of their undisguised doubt through a deep alcoholic fog.

'Well?' Then, 'War? Is that what you fear?' He laughed. 'Know you all, there will be no war in the North while I reign. Or if there is it won't be my fault. I am willing to bide my time. There's many a slip 'twixt cup and lip.' Aethelwine had to agree, the Earl's bare chest was proof enough. With a horrible glint in his eye, he continued, 'Rebellion, friend, chaos, dwolm, against one's natural ward... lord, is the greatest blasphemy a man can commit on this earth. Have you got that?'

'Yes sir. Of course.' Beside him Eadulf lolled backwards to gob into the rushes.

But Morcar had fallen silent. Before him was his inner circle, his closest confidants, and the worst of it was he didn't trust a single one of the bastards. He reprimanded himself for being so drunk as to lay his true feelings on the line. He would never be a schemer, try as he might. There was that Aethelwine, he was a troublemaker. He was an old warrior from north of the Tees, a fine tactician although bent double from an early age... and as a man utterly incapable of disguising his true feelings was not the sort of person you want around court. But Morcar respected his forty-nine winters, his fighting experience and the influence he exerted in Dunholm.

Walcher was more of an unknown quantity, having just last month arrived in the North. He had taken service with Aethelwine, at whose side he now sat. Both men were hunchbacks which didn't help matters. Morcar was not delicate enough to withhold comment at the best of times. At least Walcher, unlike Aethelwine, was timid enough not to rise to it. There was something unnerving about those circus freaks staring with cold disapproval at him through the firelight. Morcar tried to summon some authority by standing up, but his legs failed him and he collapsed back in his seat. Too drunk to speak, he continued his quiet appraisal.

There was William, another southerner, another of Aethelwine's acolytes, something of a suspect too - as someone who'd been at the court of King Eadweard back in the day, though, he had contacts and was worth having at hand. Though the Earl privately considered him a bit of a dark horse, a bit Normanised you might say (just look at his name), he was a damn good fighter. When it came to his looks, though, the Earl didn't reserve comment. Arseface, he called him. And he was no oil painting, with that hatchet face of his.

Over the last couple of days, though, two families had arrived from the South, distant relatives uprooted from their estates seeking safety at Morcar's court. Both had valuable experience the earl intended to use. There was Eadulf, a young lad, impulsive as Morcar, easy with gifts and outgoing, with a polished manner but not much cerebral ability to back it up. Then there was Eadred, an older man with a distinguished fighting career behind him - brave, but ofermodlic, headstrong. He didn't talk much but it was Morcar's understanding he had been at Hastings.

Morcar gathered himself. 'I tell you now. It may take a week, it may take four hundred years but I will not rest until we are avenged. No foreigner will rule in England! No Frenchman, no Dane will hold court in an English earldom or an English shire!' He struck the table with the flat of his hand. 'I am bounden!' He passed out.

Appointments... Eadulf to Steward, Walcher to Chancellor, Aethelwine to Marshal and William to Spymaster; Eadred is sent to Westmorland to mitigate the demesne penalty.

Historical note: it seems odd that neither Walcher nor Aethelwine get ecclesiastical traits, since both were bishops of Durham. Walcher, too, should certainly be a Norman.


Smile, you're an ealdorman

Bringing us stats to 18-18-12-9 and income to a still derisory $0.36. Piety at 0.5, prestige at 0.3 / month.

It's spouse acquisition time. And the day Eadred leaves for the west a right stunna turns up at court. A foxy 26-year old of uncorrupted Saxon stock, Margaret 'de Leyburne', level-headed, bit of an ego, but what really catches the eye is her stewardship rating. She walks right through Eadulf, and income fair leaps (to $1.84).


Hmmm... nice stewardship but sadly lacking in the tracts of land department

Morcar's head is turned, he considers internal promotion, decides he'd rather have a younger wife with a better spread of talent (so to speak) and one who'll bring a dowry, more or less essential if we're going to get the regional economy running before 1100. Still, nice to know I've got something to fall back on.

That day Morcar identifies a better prospect, one of my impoverished vassal's hangers-on, Eadgyth Grey. Young, foxy, Saxon, adequate stats - it's a start. Eadred agrees on the 6th. Good man.

Eadgyth pole-vaults her way straight to Chancery. Walcher is now Spymaster. Stats now at 18-18-13-15... much better, ja?


The comely Eadgyth

We begin clear-felling Galtre (forestry in York) in the lady's honour. Meanwhile, that wanker Eadwine has one-upped us with a Swedish piece with even better stats (though something of a nose) and she's still a schoolgirl. Bah.

Feb 15 - Eadgyth is up the stick, suggesting high fertility. Great relief, as the last time I did this there was no issue for years.

Man inherits Leinster.

Jul 12 - Eadwine impregnates Sophia. Disgusting, I calls it.

Nov 18 - A son and heir! Leofwine by name, 7-8-6-6 by stats, not bad at all.


A manchild, a manchild *burble*

1068

Jan 13 - If no mine collapses in Northumberland... but I hear it collapse, did it REALLY collapse? One for the next patch methinx.

Estmond finally takes some nouve munter to wife, just as well, I was afeard he was a homosectional.

16 Mar - Once again Eadgyth is up the duff.

8 Apr - Now Eadwine too gets an heir. It's male and Saxon alright but it's a bit of a scoper compared to ours.

17 Aug - Rural life is awakening across Western Europe. New villages dot the Vale of York; Yorkshire becomes Prosperous. Great stuff.

1 Oct - We've ticked over $100 again, so work on a fishing wharf begins in York.

27 Nov - And it's a girl, Aelflaed... and a good diplomat.

1069-70

13 Jan - Eadgyth is in pod for the third time in two years, bless 'er.

4 May - A son to Estmond and Snofrid, Aethelfrith. Chances of a freak inheritance are now practically nil though Leofricssons are spreading like the plague.

1 Aug - The Earl's men regulate the burgeoning fishing sector from a new market at York (wharf complete).

4 Aug - Steward Margaret basks in my reflected glory, gaining prestige and loyalty.

19 Oct - A second daughter, Eadgyth Jr - decent all-rounder.

18 Nov - Beatrice of Bar having coughed it, Murchaid of Leinster (formerly of Man) is Papal Controller.

24 Jun '70 - Pregnant again. You could set your watch by the missus' ovaries.

1071

10 Jan - We've finally gone above $100 again - it took almost three years - so we treat ourselves to a spanking new hall and court outside the city of York at Earlsburgh, where our people can keep a closer eye on things (Royal Post in York).

24 Mar - Eadgyth pups male. Name of Eadwig. Similar to his brother, maybe a bit duller.

10 Nov - Royal Post completed, greatly improving our efficiency in York. That province dominates the regional economy to such an extent our total income grows 50% overnight.

20 Nov - It seemed of no significance, but William allied with Croatia some time ago, since when Croatia has been wracked by revolts - now look at this...


Comte de Chrobatie?

It leads me to check out the furriner situation generally. Byzantium has steamrollered the Zirids all the way to Carthage. The Moors have penetrated Brittany again...

26 Nov - Childe Eadwig becomes a cot death statistic, what bastard luck. Eadwine's Swede also died this year, and he takes Hedwiga, a lesbian from Metz, to wife.

1072

Jan - The Bretons are besieging FEZ. The Sheik of Fez is besieging VANNES. Jesus.

30 Jan - We develop our first advance, The Seven Liberal Arts, in Northumberland.

8 Apr - Not content with a doe-eyed wife half our age we indulge ourselves with some anonymous scrubber and acquire a bastard son, Aethelfrith.

22 May - The Hammadids take Tlemsen, and what's left of Algeria collapses into half a dozen sheikhdoms. Vannes falls to the Almoravids soon after.

The heathen situation is, 'ow you say, wack. Fez is now a Breton county, and the emir has decamped to his Breton holdings. The Almoravid caudillo is presently besieging Nantes.

Somewhere along the line Eadred of Westmorland picked up a claim to the throne of England...

11 Oct - Margaret gets the 'faithful hound' event again.

1073

1 Feb - War breaks out all over Spain. Nantes having fallen, the Breton Duke moves to Morocco...

So Shines the Light: Tynemouth, Northumberland 1 Feb 1073

http://www.enicholl.com/jane-black-p...nemouth-11.jpg



Tynemouth Priory

Lashed by the sea wind, wrapped in a hooded cloak and accompanied by his guides, more used to the green and plenty obtaining at Merton than this cold and barren place, the friar Wynfrith surveyed the top of Benebalcrag gifted by Morcar to the southern house on condition they would reestablish the monastery that had flourished on that site three hundred years before. Wynfrith's early enthusiasm was now quite dead. The old foundation was clearly a product of the time when monasteries were glorified hermitages, cells huddled at the end of the earth and not pleasant, wealth-bloated, stone-built and cloistered agricultural concerns. Certainly there was not a trace of the structure the Danes had destroyed in the 820s.

Wynfrith had no love of asceticism. His love was books, Aristotle and Augustine and Ptolemy. At Merton he had gathered round him one of the best libraries of any minor house in England. He'd brought some of them with him, in fact, wrapped in wax cloth and would send for more once there was somewhere to put them. He understood Morcar was particularly keen Tynemouth should have a library. At least he had a free hand. Morcar with alarming obsequiousness had promised him all he needed and Merton, his parent house, wasn't about to interfere.

Monastic life may have revived, but in the field of scholarship the North had yet to regain its eighth-century splendour. Wynfrith set to his unenviable task with a zealot's iron determination.

We've clocked over $100 again. This goes towards a library in Northumberland.

17 May - Most of Eastern Europe plus Denmark declares war on Galich.

12 Jun - Eadgyth comes out of a sulk and the patter of tiny feet is imminent once again.

Aug - Saragossa and friends are sweeping Catalonia end to end. Leon has internal problems. The King of Castille is besieging... Vannes. The Almoravids have returned from Brittany and have invested Infa in Morocco (at some point this had fallen to Leon). Meanwhile, the Emir of Fez is reclaiming what's his and 'Brittany' looks doomed. Doesn't stop them attacking Marrakesh, though...

14 Dec - Vannes falls to the Spanish...

1074

A fair field full of folk...

3 Feb - Library complete. We gain prestige.

6 Feb - Margaret comes crawling for preference. We'd have told anyone else to sod off but I'm fond of the cow so we bail her out.


Might not look much but that's eight months' GDP down the swannee...

Badajoz overruns Rosello, taking the jihad into the Pyrenees.

9 Mar - A spare spare, appropriately named Godwine... by the parochial standards of this court, a born warrior.

20 Mar - Infa falls to the Almoravids. Unbelievably, the Bretons are still in front of Marrakesh but I get the impression they're 'infa' a proper kicking. Catalonia is no more, but El Cid's men look set to liberate Nantes.

14 Jun - Time to choose a trade for young Leofwine. As my heir, it has to be a court education.

8 Sep - Settlement on newly claimed land in Teesdale (Durham) fair near pushes our income to a heady $3/month.

17 Sep - Walcher dies in his sleep at 48. William of Durham succeeds him as professional man of shadows, but he's not much good at it.

Incredibly, the Bretons DID take Marrakesh and it's now a Breton vassal county. The Almoravid court has gone to Nantes, currently half-heartedly obsessed by El Cid and a few dozen others.

22 Dec - Now it's time to choose Eadgyth's specialism - her strengths are in management, thus court, definitely court.

30 Dec - Staup me! Waltheof repeated his historical treachery - but without outside help - and attacked Norfolk, England's richest duke by miles and putting him at war with England. I'd help out a fellow Saxon, but frankly he's buggered. No hope of support, everyone is around 100% loyalty and England is fighting no other wars. Idiot.

1075

8 Jan - The Emir-in-Exile of Fez's wife gave birth to a Welsh Muslim called Maelgwn. Mighty queer.

Wulf the Nithing: Mitford, Northumberland 8 Feb 1075

http://www.cif.rochester.edu/~mjbernst/wulfstan/ comes highly recommended.

Beloved men, know what is true: that this world is in haste, and it neareth its end, and therefore things in this world go ever the longer the worse - and so it must needs be that things quickly worsen, on account of people's sinning from day to day, before the coming of Antichrist. And indeed it will then be awful and grim widely throughout the world. Understand also well that the Devil has now led this nation astray for very many years, and that little loyalty has remained among men, though they spoke well. And too many crimes reigned in the land, and there were never many of men who deliberated about the remedy as eagerly as one should, but daily they piled one evil upon another, and committed injustices and many violations of law all too widely throughout this entire land. [...]

But what I say is true: there is need for that remedy because God's dues have diminished too long in this land in every district, and laws of the people have deteriorated entirely too greatly, since Eadgar died. And sanctuaries are too widely violated, and God's houses are entirely stripped of all dues and are stripped within of everything fitting. And widows are widely forced to marry in unjust ways and too many are impoverished and fully humiliated; and poor men are sorely betrayed and cruelly defrauded, and sold widely out of this land into the power of foreigners, though innocent; and infants are enslaved by means of cruel injustices, on account of petty theft everywhere in this nation. And the rights of freemen are taken away and the rights of slaves are restricted and charitable obligations are curtailed. Free men may not keep their independence, nor go where they wish, nor deal with their property just as they desire; nor may slaves have that property which, on their own time, they have obtained by means of difficult labor, or that which good men, in God's favor, have granted them, and given to them in charity for the love of God. But every man decreases or withholds every charitable obligation that should by rights be paid eagerly in God's favor, for injustice is too widely common among men and lawlessness is too widely dear to them. And in short, the laws of God are hated and his teaching despised; therefore we all are frequently disgraced through God's anger, let him know it who is able. And that loss will become universal, although one may not think so, to all these people, unless God protects us. [...]

And too many Christian men have been sold out of this land, now for a long time, and all this is entirely hateful to God, let him believe it who will. Also we know well where this crime has occurred, and it is shameful to speak of that which has happened too widely. And it is terrible to know what too many do often, those who for a while carry out a miserable deed, who contribute together and buy a woman as a joint purchase between them and practice foul sin with that one woman, one after another, and each after the other like dogs that care not about filth, and then for a price they sell a creature of God -- His own purchase that He bought at a great cost -- into the power of enemies. Also we know well where the crime has occurred such that the father has sold his son for a price, and the son his mother, and one brother has sold the other into the power of foreigners, and out of this nation. All of those are great and terrible deeds, let him understand it who will. And yet what is injuring this nation is still greater and manifold: many are forsworn and greatly perjured and more vows are broken time and again, and it is clear to this people that God's anger violently oppresses us, let him know it who can. [...]

It is no wonder that there is mishap among us: because we know full well that now for many years men have too often not cared what they did by word or deed; but this nation, as it may appear, has become very corrupt through manifold sins and through many misdeeds: through murder and through evil deeds, through avarice and through greed, through stealing and through robbery, through man-selling and through heathen vices, through betrayals and through frauds, through breaches of law and through deceit, through attacks on kinsmen and through manslaughter, through injury of men in holy orders and through adultery, through incest and through various fornications. And also, far and wide, as we said before, more than should be are lost and perjured through the breaking of oaths and through violations of pledges, and through various lies; and non-observances of church feasts and fasts widely occur time and again. And also there are here in the land God's adversaries, degenerate apostates, and hostile persecutors of the Church and entirely too many grim tyrants, and widespread despisers of divine laws and Christian virtues, and foolish deriders everywhere in the nation, most often of those things that the messengers of God command, and especially those things that always belong to God's law by right. And therefore things have now come far and wide to that full evil way that men are more ashamed now of good deeds than of misdeeds; because too often good deeds are abused with derision and the God-fearing are blamed entirely too much, and especially are men reproached and all too often greeted with contempt who love right and have fear of God to any extent. And because men do that, entirely abusing all that they should praise and hating too much all that they ought to love, therefore they bring entirely too many to evil intentions and to misdeeds, so that they are never ashamed though they sin greatly and commit wrongs even against God himself. But on account of idle attacks they are ashamed to repent for their misdeeds, just as the books teach, like those foolish men who on account of their pride will not protect themselves from injury before they might no longer do so, although they all wish for it. [...]

There was a historian in the time of the Britons, called Gildas, who wrote about their misdeeds, how with their sins they infuriated God so excessively that He finally allowed the English army to conquer their land, and to destroy the host of the Britons entirely. And that came about, just as he said, through breach of rule by the clergy and through breach of laws by laymen, through robbery by the strong and through coveting of ill-gotten gains, violations of law by the people and through unjust judgments, through the sloth of the bishops and folly, and through the wicked cowardice of messengers of God, who swallowed the truths entirely too often and they mumbled through their jaws where they should have cried out; also through foul pride of the people and through gluttony and manifold sins they destroyed their land and they themselves perished. But let us do as is necessary for us, take warning from such; and it is true what I say, we know of worse deeds among the English than we have heard of anywhere among the Britons; and therefore there is a great need for us to take thought for ourselves, and to intercede eagerly with God himself. And let us do as is necessary for us, turn towards the right and to some extent abandon wrong-doing, and eagerly atone for what we previously transgressed; and let us love God and follow God's laws, and carry out well that which we promised when we received baptism, or those who were our sponsors at baptism; and let us order words and deeds justly, and cleanse our thoughts with zeal, and keep oaths and pledges carefully, and have some loyalty between us without evil practice. And let us often reflect upon the great Judgment to which we all shall go, and let us save ourselves from the welling fire of hell torment, and gain for ourselves the glories and joys that God has prepared for those who work his will in the world. God ure helpe! Amen.

Zealous Firebrand! We brush it off, but Northumberland rises.

14 Feb - Waltheof's men are slaughtered at Kettering trying to fend off the utterly superior forces of the Duke of Norfolk. William steals the siege of Northampton later in the month.

Mar: We fiddle the sliders to try and stem the tide of anarchy in Northumberland. Income falls away to F.A.

17 Mar: Waltheof's frenzied attempt to drive off the interlopers from Northampton is casually wiped out in front of the town.

20 Mar: Fez defeats El Cid in Brittany.

29 May - The wife is taken bad... bad news.

9 Jun - This worsens to Intestinal Worm. Nasty, though she gets her faculties back.

3 Jul - Now William fabricates a claim to Northampton; can anschluss be far away?

26 Nov - In an astonishing turnaround a large Spanish army liberates Nantes. The Almoravids sod off back to Morocco where the Bretons are still comfortably holding out.

1 Dec - We turn over another $100 to formalise the judicial power of the sheriff of Northumberland (Court of Justice).

1076
War for Normandy

19 Jan - France declares war on Normandy, England on France!


Situation at the outbreak of war. That's Castille and Fez in Brittany

Meanwhile, though Waltheof is incarcerated at Northampton William has yet to make a move to annex the old earldom.

5 Mar - Philippe Capet moves into Arques with 2,500 men (rising to 4,000 by mid-April) finding no resistance.

The emir of Fez with THREE men 'besieges' Vannes. With Cornouaille utterly defenceless he is begging for someone to deliver a can of whoop-ass to his buns. Reinforcements from the county of Rennes arrive in - yes - Morocco where they smash the depleted Almoravid lines round Fez.

25 Apr - Robert's Norman levy wins a pyrrhic victory in Maine. A large English army is on its way but Rouen will fall first; Normandy is doomed.

4 May - Robert chucks in the towel, pays Philippe an indemnity and flees to England where he is installed as Bishop of Sherborne.

9 May - Aelflaed - good diplomat, mediocre elsewhere - is sent to the church.

The Flaccid Crusade

I take a momentous step and declare war on Fez, returning all sliders to normal. Those of my people who survive will thank me later.

I mobilise the demesne and the army gathers at York. Morcar arrives from the north on June 4th. At the embarkation 530 men are tallied; with Philippe and William ordering tens of thousands around the south the Geordie Crusade is as a game of Top Trumps is to Operation Barbarossa.

We embark for Cornouailles, seat of the wandering Moor.

6 Jun - Now Ireland erupts into conflict. Gwynedd weighs in.

11 Jul - Our ships in the Channel hear of fierce fighting in Eu.

30 Jul - The fleet clears Ushant and moves to shore close by Landevennec. Cornouaille is defenceless; perfect. We declare war, the Almoravids reciprocate, then England joins 'us'.


I'm excited Sir!

5 Aug - The struggle over Eu finally goes France's way.

We notice Conchobar O'Brien of Dublin has been excommunicated - he's also sick, lazy, maimed and a stammerer to top it all. We use the opportunity to claim Dublin for a bargain basement price of 66 prestige. (Our own loyalty has slipped for some reason.)

Further investigation reveals half of Ireland seems to be excommunicated, no doubt after running afoul of the Papal Controller, the Duke of Leinster.

23 Aug - As our lads swing by the Ile de Groix, we are told that a large Franco-Flemish force is crossing to England from the Cotentin.

30 Aug - We debouche and move to invest Quimper, the last Moorish garrison in Brittany. Still no sign of resistance (or our 'allies').

7 Sep - Baudouin's Angevin-Flemish expedition occupies Wight, Portchester and Southampton.


Merry-go-round...

29 Nov - The French advance proceeds at speed. Baudouin is relieved by a second French army and moves north towards Reading by way of Alton. William goes ashore at Harfleur, meanwhile.

We call out the Westmorland levy, frustrated at the pace of our half-arsed blockade.

9 Dec - Winchester falls to the French.

1077

7 Jan - Philippe, gunning for Salisbury, drives the men of Dorset off at Wilton. A deranged English move on Paris is defeated the day after.

26 Jan - Heroic English dryht whacks a French rearguard at Basing. William seems strangely reluctant to call on his vassals. Not so Philippe, and hordes of Frenchmen from all quarters converge on the troubled island.

15 Feb - Eadred's men arrive outside Quimper, stiffening our lines. (Poor bastard has worms too.) The French have crossed the Thames at two points, invested Buckingham and Bristol and are goose-stepping at will across the south of England, though William is returning from a pacified Arques bent on redress. Remains to be seen if he has the powah. Oxford too comes under pressure within the week. One bright spot for England is the dependable Roger de Vielles, the hero of Basing, who breaks a small force trying to relieve Winchester.

19 Mar - William comes ashore at Ipswich and makes straight for Bedford.

7 Apr - A cheeky request to the Almoravids for tribute is refused.

9 Apr - William routs the Capetians at Kempston and moves on to cross the Thames at Wallingford.

4 Jun - After extreme mutual bloodletting by Hungerford, the French field army is ejected from Berkshire by William, though the enemy have captured both Bristol and Oxford.

A small force of Saragossa's has restored the heathen position in Brittany, taking Penthievre and Rennes. Incredibly, Infa is back in Spanish (Castillian) hands.

Our own siege is still less than half done and attrition is becoming a problem.

The Welsh have a base at Sligo and have devastated the country.

16 Jun - The French royal army returns from the west and breaks the Normans at Marlborough. This could be serious, maybe final. More unpleasantness on the 25th when de Vielles' Battling Bastards are finally routed and French domination of Hampshire confirmed.

7 Jul - The men of Bruges attack Northampton, where Waltheof remains imprisoned.

11 Jul - We develop Two Field System. We go over to 'Power'.

13 Jul - The unrest in Northumberland has come to a head. Eadgyth, in Morcar's absence, decides to end the revolt by hammering out a compromise and granting pardons and safe passage to exile for those that want it. We lose face but an uneasy peace descends over the north. The underlying social trouble rumbles on.

22 Jul - Disturbing news from Morocco where the Almoravids seem to have beaten the Spanish - what with, feck knows.

Better news from York where the booming rural population fans out onto newly claimed land, raising the social state to Rich and returning us to bare solvency.

England wins two major engagements this day, breaking the siege of Northampton and drubbing the French at Stoke Lyne. But Philippe's main army (now deep in Sussex) remains unfought. A series of battles over the next few weeks resulted in mixed honours.

23 Sep - Lewes falls to Philippe.

9 Oct - Peace of Cosham. Following further, generally minor shenanigans, William and Philippe make up. William's humiliation is fairly comprehensive; he loses all claim to Normandy, and Philippe gains half Gloucestershire plus the town of Bristol. Bloody hell.

A minor concern next to this - Eadred finally succumbed to his worm, leaving his six-year old son Uhtred in charge back home - stressed, sick, completely useless and with sinking loyalty. The siege must end soon or we run the risk of trouble at home.

4 Dec - Clerical celibacy is all the rage in York. Typically, the first advance to spread to my realm in ten years of play is one of the crappest.

18 Dec - Oh marvellous, my lord and master heaves into view off Quimper


Go on, sod off. That brown thing to my right is Valencia btw

1078

18 Jan - Bastard ******* Bill stole my siege! And to think I was finally getting somewhere after 18 months and vast expense. Arse!

Well, sod this for a lark, you can take it from here. Ohne mich. Morcar packs up for home in a massive huff.

21 Jan - Waltheof is finally compelled to make the earldom over to William and his line fades into obscurity.

8 Mar - Our beleaguered lads finally clap eyes on the low, grey coast of Amounderness.

Eadgyth is shocked to find Aelflaed has boiled her sister's hamsters. Such a cruel girl.

18 Apr - We're ashore, and there's a world of buggery to sort out. Uhtred gets his lot back, with regards. Meanwhile, William has taken Cornouailles... and much good may it do him.

30 Apr - Eadgyth is sick again, poor tart. But after all those months without she's willing nonetheless, is pregnant again by May 3rd. It'll be the first time in four years.

8 May - Aethelwine's mob reach York and are disbanded, putting treasury back at a staggering $5.32 / month (overwhelmingly York, that is). We give peasantry and clergy tax breaks to try and heal Northumberland but it will take years.

11 May - Castille takes Anti-Atlas. Unbelievable.

17 May - We sign paz blanco with the Almoravids, now down to the southern half of Morocco. In with a bang, out with a whimper and without Quimper

To be continued...

[Oliver Guinnes]

I like your style. Sometimes it is really funny. It seems that te Capets started a nice preemptive strike to avoid that awful hundret years war.

Yours sincerely,
OG

[Solmyr]

Looking good.

[Earl Uhtred]

Originally Posted by Vincent Julien

btw, why can't you edit the files to create The Earldom of Northumbria? (Or whatever.)

I'm still quite new to the editing lark, I'm willing to play pretend for now.

BTW, I'd draw all your attentions to the scene-setting bit and the interludes I've added to yesterday's post.

[Murmurandus]

I like your somewhat sarcastic style...

[thames]

Funny read - too little swearing of course...

[Earl Uhtred]

Originally Posted by thames

Funny read - too little swearing of course...

I'll make amends, sah. Next update will have a graphic orgy sequence involving house Leofricsson, elements of the Zirid dynasty and no fewer than eight willing goats

[Lofman]

A Good AAR this far. May you accomplish all your goals and write about it in an entertaining way.

[String]

This AAR is great, mostly because of your writing style

[Earl Uhtred]

A Grey Dawn Breaking: 1078-1086

9 Dec 1078 - Proper bitches I'm raising. Eadgyth becomes 'Cruel'.

1079

Jan 2 - Daughter, Aethelswith, born. That's three sons (two surviving) plus one bastard, three daughters.

Idly checking through nearby courts I notice Maldred, lord of Galloway has no living son... and both he and his wife are getting on in years. His only daughter Margaret, now 9, would be ideal for Leofwine. If he remains heirless... ah bliss.

23 Feb - Aethelfrith is sent off to the church.

Barnes & Noble: Tynemouth, Northumberland 7 Mar 1079



'See this one? Norbert of Rockall's "Life of St Swyltigern the Moorfucker"? Only three of these in all Christendom.'

'Oh aye?'

'Cop this delightful bit of gem-encrusted silver knotwork on the inside back cover here. And over here we have an unusually fine illuminated gospel-book studded in rubies and jet, gifted to Cynewulf of Wessex by Charlemagne himself!'

Wynfrith was in his element, showing off his beloved collection to an unusually focussed guest, Hacon, the earl's omboht and assessor at Morpeth.

'Exquisite. Quite exquisite. And what's this one here? Must be eight marks' worth of gold on the cover alone.'

'Quite.' Wynfrith was beginning to see all was not as it seemed. 'That's the Microcosmograph of St Melvin of Ibrox. The saint's own spleen, cured of course, is actually pressed between books four and five.'

'Could you put, ooh, a rough cash price on this lot, Father?'

'I should think that was impossible', said Wynfrith coldly, now pretty sure what was coming. 'These volumes represent fifteen hundred years of scholarship! Their value is beyond estimation.'

Hacon's eyes lit up. 'Great! We'll have 'em. Do you know a good blacksmith?'

As annoying as this is, this event is bloody cool.

15 Mar - Asceticism spreads to York.

1 May - Eadgyth - the wife Eadgyth that is - shows stress symptoms. I don't blame her after giving birth to 6 children in 11 years. Morcar's children at that. The horror, the horror.

19 Jun - We palm Godwine off to the Nordhanhymbra Here.

1080

6 Jan - A joint petition from the Bishop of Dunholm and Prior of Gateshead demands an end to trading in all religious precincts, but we'd rather have the lolly. The bonus puts us over $100, so we continue to thumb our noses at meekness and Christian charity by reassessing Northumberland's levy duty (beginning a training-grounds in Northumberland), beating ploughshares into swords, thumbscrews and brainhammers. It also increases townie power in Durham at the expense of the clergy, and we fall in God's sight somewhat.


Giftshop, Your Grace?

25 Jan - Emboldened, the citizens of the embryonic market town at Dunholm demand representation in the local legislature, up to this point the Church's (more particularly the Bishop's) preserve. We cave, and burgher power goes to 60%.

I click over to Westmorland. Uhtred, wretched, sick and mentally fragile died at seven in 1078, was succeeded by his far more capable younger brother Eadwig, but it'll be ten years before the land is out of regency. That's if I don't revoke the title to give one of my own, soon-to-be-of-age spawne.

Embrace an Angry Swede

17 Feb - Sweyn Estrithson attacks Sweden - England weighs in against Denmark! I have no idea where the English army is. It's certainly not at home.

Oh wait, THERE it is.


Savour the pure weirdness of Morocco. Yes, that's the Duke of Brittany and a vassal in grey. Yellow is Castille. Orange is William

Catalonia is gone, but otherwise Spanish Christendom is intact.

29 Apr - Now Eadulf gets stressed. Don't ask me why, idle bastard's done nothing to speak of for 14 years.

Jun: Tarasset falls to William, striking the Almoravids from the book of nations. However, the whole royal army numbers under a thousand men at the arse end of Morocco and I just wish my loyalty was low enough to secede.


Meet Ifni's infant Dark Mistress...

15 Jul - William mobilises Eadwine's domain, now ruled from Chester. He has also called out the minor counties of the SW.

25 Jul - Norfolk is mobilised. (It occurs to me the Duke of Norfolk might be a bit overpowered under BIGDIC.)

2 Sep - William's depleted force appears off Cornwall. The Danes are into Sweden but have yet to appear off our coast.

7 Nov - The fleet passes Kent and disappears over the eastern horizon. William seems to be doing nothing with his vassals.

10 Dec - Sweyn Estrithson takes Vastergotland. But Skane is under attack from Olaf, pagan chief of the Aland Islanders

27 Dec - Peace between Sweden and Denmark, though Sweyn's son, Sweyn lord of Halland stays in the field.

1081

6 Jan - Training grounds complete. William's 870 men come ashore in Skane. I'm quite confident the Danes will shit 'em unless William calls in his vassals. Meanwhile, most of the south of England is still a wreck - impoverished and bearing the scars of Philippe's invasion.

11 Jan - Ah, William's vassals are on the move at last. Sweyn is in trouble now.

5 Feb - William's lot are defeated at Fjalkinge (Skane).

15 Feb - And again in Halland, but Sweyn son of Sweyn is forced to pull out of Vastergotland.

26 Mar - Ah, the Swedes follow him back to Halland and ze poot is on ze oder voot.


*SCREAM* Wikingar kommt!

21 Apr - Danes go ashore at Rye

Jun - Our very own brother is leading the attack in Skane. Shows William's desperation (though his army of vassals is now vast). I'm glad he seems uninterested in my still understrength legions.

Jun 24 - Now Asceticism spreads into Northumberland. Irks me that I've only had crappy religious advances so far.

22 Jul - The English horde finally masters Skane.

3 Aug - Peace of Roskilde. Sweyn renounces all claims in England, gives an indemnity but otherwise escapes unscathed. Bright lad to pull that out, since Skane was the size of his demesne... Denmark lives. Hooray.

6 Aug - Cordoba and Valencia attack Leon. Shortly after, Castille, Valencia's ally, backstabs that kingdom and declares war on El Bierzo putting Leon in a world of hurt.

La Guerre sans Fin

12 Aug - Just as we thought things might quiet down and William might stop involving the muthaland in debilitating overseas campaigns, all buggery erupts. Norway attacks Sweden. Norrland attacks Norway. Then England declares war on Norrland. Sweden on its former ally England. Are you following me? Bohemia on Sweden. France on Norrland. Sweden on France. Germany on Kalmar. Sweden on Germany. (How about now?) Norrland on Germany (!!!) Venice on Norrland. Sweden on Venice and Genoa. (I've skipped over most of the reciprocals here, too.) Making the Duke of Norrland, Sigtryg of Halsingland, the eleventh-century answer to Gavrilo Princip.

1082

13 Mar - Leofwine has wanderlust, and we indulge him. His pilgrimage to Rome and back by way of Ibiza over the next six months doesn't do much to expand his tiny mind, though it does render him energetic.


Give the bastards one from me, son

Apr - An Anglo-Czech-Genoese-Venetian force 8,000 strong lays siege to Kalmar The Normans take Vastergotland on the 15th.

5 May - Kalmar - a one-horse county - having fallen, Wratislaw the siege leader inexplicably settles for a tribute of just $9 and moves on into Sweden.

Sep: Valencia continues to wipe its arse on Leon.

8 Nov - Being a motherless freak together with the regime of cold baths and brutal kickings from the sadistic friars of the Merciful Order of St Biffa at Benwell is getting to Aethelfrith - another victim of stress. My courtiers get through the crockery like a Greek wedding with angel dust kebabs.

16 Dec - Glory be! 'Road Building' (herepathas and regulated internal trade, let's pretend) developed in Northumberland. We revert to Farming Equipment.

1083

2 Feb - 'Monastic Schools' in Northumberland - we're on a roll. Rather than wait for University we go over to Popular Customs.

6 Feb - Eadwine's wife gives birth to a daughter, Eufemia, who will be raised back at Metz (uniquely among her siblings, she's German).

30 Mar - That little bastard Leofwine killed the old steward, Godric, in a fit of pique. It is believed Godric had failed to remove the crust from the cucumber sandwiches. Although Morcar's right behind him in principle - though a two-warning system is under consideration - he has to learn good servants are hard to find and besides the Earl's had a shit week. Therefore we employ extreme chastisement; he becomes Cruel nonetheless, like so many of my ill-starred broode.

3 May - Kalmar now falls to William, who becomes Count there, and thus holder of major estates in England, Brittany, Morocco, Croatia and Sweden William alleviates the demesne penalty by making Eadgyth Godwinson Countess of Tarasset Her heir there, naturally, is one Aelfgar Rurikovich

4 Jun - Leofwine completes his education without much distinction, becoming a naive wirepuller like dad.

Oct - The Irish Sea confrontation fizzles out at last.

13 Nov - The Duke of Bohemia once again settles for a single figure tribute from Sweden despite comprehensively reaming arse over the last year or two.

Our son comes of age! And I see he has inherited the family jawline. But we have to keep him round court for a couple of years - until my preferred bride, Margaret of Atholl, is sixteen - which will do nothing for our still-negative prestige.

1084

Feb - Lots of new counties spring up across England as the first generation come of age, demanding estates commensurate with their arrogance. Waltheof Leofricsson, one of my nephews, becomes ealdorman (count) of Shrewsbury in April.

18 Mar - Fire strikes the Earl's fish emporium at York. Closing down special on kippers, fnark fnark. (Wharf destroyed.)

25 Apr - Aelflaed has blossomed into a martial nun... cruel too... she'll make some kinky fellow a fine wife.

7 May - Norrland finally comes to peace with Germany, with Emperor Heinrich annexing the single domain province, Halsingland. The 'duchy' falls to bits.

19 May - Waltheof must earn his keep and Eadgyth needs a rest. Waltheof to Chancellor. He'll be in charge of arranging his own marriage, then - napkins and such.

29 May - Godwine gets 'Vengeful'. What's wrong with this family? Either they're grimacing bunny-kickers or paranoid.

1 Jul - At long, long last we've gathered enough wedge to give Wynfrith the opportunity to put that library back together at Tynemouth. The prestige should come just in time for our charm offensive for the hand of the Galwegian mare.

30 Jul - Out chasing the mighty aurochs in Hamsterley Foreset, Morcar observes Aelflaed riding hard through the woods. He says nothing, preferring to savour the sensuous contours of her pert... anyroad, we encourage mental endeavours as a substitute for this reckless chicanery and tell her to tuck herself back in while she's at it. As a result she returns to her studies full of hormonal vigour: Energetic, Just, Wise, back of the net my friend.

8 Sep - Eadulf hears voices! (Depression.) We suggest suicide, thin the ranks a bit and besides you're not getting any younger are you, kidda?

24 Sep - 'Wood Ploughs' in Northumberland - I assume we were turning sod with our bare hands before this - it's back to technique.

6 Nov - Now it's the bloody wife that's suicidal.

7 Dec - For years I, Morcar, was the dark horse. William could not be sure of my loyalty, and of course he was right. Now my own goody-goody brother is so arsed off with William's flagrant abuse of privilege he is offering an alliance. In fact, checking around William's vassals people's will to fight seems to be slipping.

Now this is certain death if he ever takes it into his head to rebel but I can't pass it up and I accept. Leofricssons of metal rule the North, yeah!

My attention is then drawn to Aelflaed who has finally come of age. (I know this because the fucking marriage spam has begun.) She's a comely lass all right, smart too, if kinky. Too good for the wogs, so I determine to force the skank to marry a courtier, and make her Chancellor. (Leofwine becomes our Svengali temporarily.)


You don't get many of those to the punnet

Unfortunately, none of my non-family male hangers-on is of sufficient qualitah for my poppet and we have to wait for the clearout that must come soon (with all the aging sick suicidal tapeworm-afflicted gimps at court something has to give). Morcar is now 18-22-13-15.

1085

7 Mar - Aethelfrith too becomes Vengeful, presumably after one too many 'mortifications' at the fists of Abbot 'Fatha' Bacon and the Booted Brethren of Extreme Tonsure. Either that or it must be my side of the family *cough*

27 Apr - Norway reaches peace with Sweden so now it's just Sweden vs England in it. The English army returns to Scandinavia for another futile tour of duty. Most regiments are well below half strength now.

22 Jun - Corks! Eadgyth Jr is Midas Touched, with a stewardship of 14! I have quite the superleague forming here, shame they like to wind down with a bit flage and ritual humiliation but hey, don't knock it till you've tried it.

1 Jul - Refoundation of the library at the re-restored Tynemouth Priory - boosting prestige above zero for the first time in months.

29 Aug - At long last Margaret of Atholl has come of age - and it's bad news for Leofwine.

She-Dog of Desnesmor: Bellingham, Northumberland 29 Aug 1085

'Come oot o' the fuckin' garderurb, sire. Y've been in their eyht ooaz.' Klefta, Godric's replacement, pummelled the door and considered fetching an axe.

'Me cheeks wivvint leave the seat till that slappa's gan, y'bastad!'

'But she's very nice, lad,' cut in the Earl. 'And she likes ye. I saw a definite twinkle in the tart's eye when ye bent over to pick up her truss.'

'Oh Christ!'

'Anyway, son, it's yer duty. Y've led the life o' Riley up to now, now you have to atone for it like by marrying a complete hoond. It's part of the deal, man.'

'Easy for ye! Mutha's a reet hornbag. A could marry one o' me sistas even.'

'Y'dirty sod, ye.' But Morcar knew the bugger would have to relent. And he did, six hours later, though only after contemplating escape through the latrine pit.

Leofwine just became a republican

But (if things stay on an even keel) the issue WILL inherit a three-province dukedom adjacent to ours. It can't be passed up. Now if only we can get consent...

14 Sep - Declined! What an insult. And again some days later, and several more times and then...

22 Oct - ACCEPTED! But no dowry. Still, the inspirational message: stalking works.

Now we've ruined his life it's safe for us to cut Leofwine loose, we farm out Durham to the unevenly happy couple.


Happy, darling?

The pouting beauty Eadgyth is now of the age too, and is made steward, replacing the faithful Margaret. Income soars (well, skips).


Naughty but useful

25 Oct - Sweden defeats England in the neighbourhood of Kalmar. Bit of a problem: Margaret doesn't seem to have followed Leofwine to Durham. I don't know if that's significant.

1 Nov - Ah wait, there she goes. Alarmed by prestige drain, we marry Aelflaed to the 46-year old veteran gargoyle William, who must think all his birthdays come at once. We market a commemorative set of 'Wills & Aelflaed' clock plates and make a fuckin' mint. Enough to pay for a school in Northumberland and a training-grounds at York. Patriarchy rules!


The years fail to dignify Arseface

William gets right down to business and the poor innocent young flower is pregnant by the 4th.

24 Dec - Young Aethelswith - whose existence I had completely neglected - gets court-educated.

1086

4 Feb - By a heroic effort, and with the help of a Scarlett Johansson foldout Leofwine finally manages to crack a semi in the presence of his revolting spouse. The issue, if it's male, will inherit Galloway...

10 Mar - Aethelwine dies at the respectable age of 69 after a vaguely distinguished career in the service of me. Buried at Dunholm.

Of the two adult males remaining at court, William is the only one with any kind of military skill or experience. He is promoted, and Margaret (ex-steward Margaret that is) though subtle as a plastic fork is still the wiliest thing going with an intrigue of 4.

3 Apr - Aethelswyth comes over all pious. We take her aside and tell her it's just a phase. Or else.

27 Apr - Aethelfrith is trying to mitigate his stress by indulging in wild parties, sneaking out after hours with the other novices and hitting the proto-Toon, establishing Newcastle's unbeaten thousand-year record of underage drinking. Once again we apply the stern lash of discipline with no discernable result.

9th May 1086 - Earl Morcar dies unexpectedly from heart failure, aged 57. He is buried with little fanfare at Rothbury. His reign was not the disaster some feared, nor was it particularly glorious, but he kept the earldom afloat, relatively peaceful and laid the foundations for greater things. On a personal level, he ticked all the boxes. He married adequately, had a manageable family and lived long enough to see his own heir wed. Those at the time concentrated on his personal shortcomings, exemplified the notoriously obscene footnote to the Lastingham Yearbook by the anonymous 'Byker eulogist'.

Succession passes seamlessly to Leofwine, himself now suffering from a dicky ticker.

Next: Gesta Lofuuini

[Murmurandus]

What a nice vicious family you got there...

That brings hope for the future...

[thames]

Well, if they are indeed vicious enough...
Good read as always. Keep it up.

[Earl Uhtred]

Screenies added, 'episodes' coming.

[RedScarlet]

lmfao, great AAR bro. very funny.

[boy_recon]

CK meets Viz!!!
Classic stuff!

[Earl Uhtred]

Originally Posted by boy_recon

CK meets Viz!!!

One of these days I'll do a House of Bacon AAR

[stnylan]

Excellent aar you have going here. Very enjoyable to read. The sarcastic tone is just right, not too much but "heartfelt". More please