Rule Bretagne- The Chevaliers of the AARpocalypse

Gjerg Kastrioti · 03-03-2003, 09:38

Hello all

I began an AAR a while ago before giving it up. This was one played in 1.05 with Very Hard/Furious. I hope you like it.

Gjerg Kastrioti · 03-03-2003, 09:40

Rule Bretagne, Bretagne rule the earth,
Bretons, always, always, always, shall be serfs.

(Extract from the English version of a popular Breton song)

Dec 31st 1418 Anno Domini

All of Gaul has been conquered by Germanic tribes, such as the Franks, English, and Burgundians. All? No! For one duchy of indomitable Bretons still resists the invaders, and life is not easy for the garrisons of the Vendee, Maine and Normandy…

Jean de Bretagne, the only true ruler of the land improperly called “France” by some ignorant people, lay awake, wrestling with the problems confronting him. He was of course, the only true ruler of Gaul, claiming descent from none other than Vercingetorix, the great leader, who had united all the tribes of Gaul under his leadership against the Roman invader Julius Caeser, before being completely defeated by the Romans. Jean was also descended from Caeser Augustus, Attila the Hun, King Arthur, Charlemagne, the Prophet Muhammed, Han Wudi, and Frederick Barbarossa, and of course Jesus Christ, but the annoying thing was that no-one seemed to recognise his claim to the throne, nor his ancestry. People seemed to think he was merely a pawn in a game of politics, to be shoved around by the two most powerful Germanic invaders, the English and the French. Indeed, at the moment, in order to survive the so-called "88 years war", previous monarchs had been compelled to offer up vasselship to the hated English and join them in their evil war of aggression against the French. Jean sighed, seeing no way out of the problems. It looked as though Bretagne, the last true Gallic nation, would be forced to become a mere slab of someone else’s territory (Obviously, Scotland and Eire, although also Celtic nations, were too disunited and poor to really be counted).

Normally, Jean as Duc, would have partaken in the festivities that would bring in the new year. However, this time, he was too tired from the business of preparing for the war declared by their harsh overlord, Henry Plantagenet. Jean instead retired early and eventually drifted off into a restless sleep…

“Jeanne… Jeanne…” A voice spoke out of the darkness. A blinding light appeared, and an awe inspiring heavenly vision appeared before the astonished Jean de Bretagne. “Jeanne d’Arc… I am the Archangel Michael. I bring thee a message from the Lord. Thou must lead France to victory in these dark times Jeanne- you must inspire your troops to victory.”

“Eh… Quoi? But how, I have few troops of my own?”

“Jeanne D’arc, with your faith and courage, men will follow you… Your spirit will be an example to all. The dauphin must be crowned at Orleans… Your must save Orleans from the English… You are destined to save France…”

“Me? Well, I suppose that I had always known that I was destined for greatness…”

“Jeanne”, spake the angel once more, “Take thee this sword, it once belonged to Charlemagne… use it to bring victory…

“Angel! I thank you! But I have one question- why do you keep calling me Jeanne D’Arc? I am Jean de Bretagne.”

Although, being mere manifestations of the will of god, it is impossible that Angels have emotions. However, it almost seemed as though a frown crossed the face of the serene being, and a look of confusion spread across he/she/it’s celestial features.

“Oh… I see um… Never mind, forget everything! Um… Oh dear…”

And with that the vision vanished abruptly. Jean awoke with a start. Had it been a dream? The dawn rays of the sun floated in. The somewhat disagreeable smells of the peasants tilling the fields of Jean’s Ducal estate wafted in through the window. And there on the windowsill…

It was a sword! Ragged and old, it must have been true! It was Jean’s destiny to drive out the English. But how? It was a sign from god- Jean's destiny was to unite Gaul, whatever the cost.

Jean instantly sprang up, and ordered his captain of the guard to immediately assemble his military advisors and senior nobles. They must be told that it was God's will that Brittany unite France under his divine leadership!

A small note must be made regarding Breton social structure here. In general, the peasants were mostly speakers of the Bythrionic (British) branch of the Celtic. The nobles mostly spoke French, with however, some small differences from normal French.

After summoning the war council of the Bretons, and his trusty advisor Ewan d'Armour, the course of the war was discussed. Although Bretagne's forces were vastly outnumbered by the Franks and their evil Barons, Bretagne's chances were increased by the fact that the Evil English and Burgundians were fighting against the Franks. It was quickly agreed that Bretange's small infanty forces would attempt to siege various provinces, while a small cavalry force would be sent forward to forage for supplies. Both forces were given strict instructions to avoid conflict with enemy forces. Discussions between jean and Ewan continued, when suddenly a message was to Jean that a large group of rather rough Scots were outside, carrying a variety of sabers, pikes and other implements of destruction. Jean ordered their leader brought before Jean.

“And who is it, that it is, addresses le Duc de Bretagne”

“I am Murdoch. Me and my band of ruthless mercenary scum wish to aid your small pathetic duchy in your wars.’

“Against the French or the English?”

“Aye, that's right”

“Very well, Monsieur Merde D’Oc, you are hired for an initial fee of 80 ducats. C’est bon, n’est il pas?”

“Aye. Whatever”. After the negotiations were concluded, Merde D’Oc wandered off. "I wonder wha' happened te' the sword I happened te misplace…"

The first part of Jean’s quest to unite Gaul against the heinous invaders was to send the evil Plantagenet monarch of England, a non-entity called Henry V a personal gift, which dramatically improved the relations with England. This act of kindness caused an immediate revolt among the peasantry (random revolt), who believed that there hard earned work was fattening the bellies of the bloated English. Fortunately, Merde D’Oc and his mercenaries along with Jean’d Ducal forces were available to crush the uprising, and the peasants went back to their fields. By march 14th, after another small gift, the English king decreed that Bretagne was not merely a vassal, but also an ally. Jean naturally broke vasselage immediately afterwards, on the justified theory that the English were too busy fighting the Franks to bring a wayward vassal back into line. The duke of Burgundy was unhappy because he hated all Bretons with a passion, but after he was attacked by a vile coalition of German cities comprising Lorraine, Munster, Oldenburg and some other unimportant cities, he was glad of the help.

Jean decreed a new set of temporary taxes to finance the war effort, a new set of laws limiting the list of people who could be considered noble (aristocracy +1) and the recruitment of new troops. Despite these measures, the war had sadly gone extremely badly for the brave Celtic warriors of Bretagne. Their attempts to besiege Maine and the Vendee were spoilt by stupid English commanders who came along and took over the sieges, stopping Bretagne from claiming what was rightfully hers. What was worse however, was that the English king, Henry V Plantagenet, was a complete fool. Apparently at some place called "Agincourt" the small and badly trained English force had been slaughtered by a massed Frankish force. Henry V would go down in history as one of the most incompetent English monarchs ever. Perhaps however, the most significant part of the war was the peace treaty signed between England the Duc D'Orleans, where despite English control of Orleans, peace was made for a mere 56 ducats.

Jean de Bretagne had tried to get his duchy out of England's war of aggression, by making peace with France's small an unimportant allies. Sadly however, after England made peace for a small sum, Bretagne was left to face the wrath of the EVIL Frankish armies alone. A large French force supported by their pathetic allies besieged Armour- in order to spare the population the deaths that would follow after the Franks stormed the city, Jean reluctantly agreed to surrender the city, surrendering Rennes to the Franks in August of 1422.

Although Brittany had lost territory to the Franks, they were not so badly off as Burgundy. The incompetent duke of Burgundy had lost much of his territory, the lands of Franche Comte and Artois, despite the fact that Franche Comte was held as an imperial, rather than a Frankish fief.

Jean was strangely confident as the standard of Bretagne was lowered over Armour, and Fleuir de Lys was raised over the walls of the town of Rennes, once more symbolising Frankish dominance over the Gauls. Jean however, was philosophical about the loss.

"Now we have them just where we want them…"

Next- Bretagne's revenge on the evil Germanic invaders.

Gjerg Kastrioti · 03-03-2003, 10:07

Si j'avance, suivez-moi! Si je retreate, tuez-moi! Si Je mort, vengez-moi!

Jean de Bretagne, August 2nd, 1422

The laws of Chivalry prohibited renewed fighting for a period of five years following the end of hostilities. However, Jean knew that he was doing God’s work, and anyway, Chivalry was devised the evil Germanic Franks, while the Celts, although far more honourable than the Franks would ever be, refused to be bound by this vile code. So it was on August 2nd 1422 that Jean de Bretagne declared war on Orleans.

Jean gave an inspiring speech.

“My Fellow Bretons! We cannot stand while the evil Frankish king plots our destruction! We must destroy them, or we will never be free! If I advance, follow me! If I retreat, shoot me! If I die, avenge me! Vive la Grande Bretagne!”

And with that Jean charged forward, leading the glorious Breton army, which numbered all of 12000 men, to Orleans, and glory or death. Jean was however, somewhat worried that Murdoch seemed to take his second phrase somewhat literally, and was often seen near Jean with a very large crossbow, a bolt ready to kill Jean if he retreated.

Orleans was of course the target because of the Angel's Prophecy. The new Dauphin of France would be crowned at Orleans… Besides, rumor had it that Orleans was controlled by some kind of evil PrisonAAR who aspired to rule the world. Rather than invite the ham fisted (and evil) English and Burgundians into the war, Jean decided to win the war alone… a dangerous gamble.

Merde D’Oc quickly crushed the defenders of Orleans by sending swift waves of Cavalry, before besieging Orleans and waiting until the Pathetic defenders surrendered. Fortunately, after Bretagne's cause was aided by the death of a rich Merchant. Merde D'oc suspected the merchant was carrying supplies to the French, so Jean decided to have all his assets siezed, pending an inquiry to take place in 100 years. The assets were worth a large amount, and made an excellent gift to the state (200 d)

The French did very little to help their beleaguered vassal and ally- the reason was found shortly afterwards, when the brave and chivalrous Breton forces stormed the city, collaterally damaging many enemy guilty civilians.

Orleans was being used by the French king to hold a conference of war- None other than Charles de Valois himself, along with the king of Scotland, and the Dukes and Barons of Provence, Orleans and Bourbonais were discussing ways to destroy the Bretons. Only the Comte de Auvergne was absent, being deemed to evil even for the French.

“Well, well, what have we here. All my enemies in one spot! With one word I could have you all put to death!” gloated Jean, for although he was a deeply Christian man, he couldn’t help himself after crushing a hated enemy.

“Cut out the pleasantries, Jean”, sneared Charles de Valois, his face contorted with frustrated rage. “What do you want?”

“As you know, as the rightful descendent of Vercingetorix…” the assembled nobility groaned. Jean was always known for droning on about his dubious lineage. “And so, the territories of Maine, Picardie, and Armour, to which I have perfect right, will be transferred to Bretagne without delay."

“Bah! My armies are far larger than yours! I will crush you- Like a bug!” sneered the evil Frankish king.

“Merde D’oc, pass me that crossbow.” Said Jean. Merde D’oc obliged, giving Jean his enormous crossbow. Jean pointed it towards Charles de Valois’s head.

“I know what you’re thinking. Have I fired one or no bolts? Well, in all this excitement, I’ve kind of lost track myself. So you’ve got to ask yourself a question. Feeling lucky? Well, are you punk?”

Next- the bid for Supremacy- thwarted?

Crimson King · 03-03-2003, 18:06

LOL ... very funny stuff. I loved this one:

Quote:

"I am Murdoch. Me and my band of ruthless mercenary scum wish to aid your small pathetic duchy in your wars."

"Against the French or the English?"

"Aye, that's right"

And that's quite a lineage that Jean has. Is he also an heir of Genghis Khan and the reincarnation of the Buddha?

*clicks subscribe*

Gjerg Kastrioti · 04-03-2003, 02:48

Glad you like it, Roi de Rouge. Jean is of course, also a direct descendent of Ghenghis Khan and the Bhudda, as well as ,many other notable figures. He certainly isn't some sort of provincial noble with a dubious ancestry.

Anyway, I'll get on with the next installment.

Gjerg Kastrioti · 04-03-2003, 03:22

Quote:

Une nation qui produi trois cents sorts de Fromage ne pas perir…

Charles de Valois, moments before he and his dynasty perished.

Faced with the threat of death or giving up territory, the cowardly Frankish king gave up numerous pieces of territory. Although records of the time are sketchy, it appears that land such as the Vendee, Maine, and some pieces of Bourbonnais or Auvergne or some other minor baron passed into Gallic hands. This was despite the fact that Jean’s forces had avoided combat with the French, and had occupied none of these lands.

Following the defeat and peace deal made in 1423, whereby France relinquished their unlawful control of Gallic land to Bretagne, the wars took on a depressingly similar appearance. The laws of chivalry were known as the 1.05 version.

A peace treaty would be signed between Bretagne and by the French and their allies, surrendering various bits of territory to Bretagne. In this treaty, there would be included a truce agreed to last 5 years. Jean would then break the truce, declare war on Orleans, besiege it and use the victory over Orleans to demand territory from the Valois, which would be granted. This happened 4 or 5 times, greatly enlarging Brtagne’s holdings. Apparently as a result of these kind of doings, the deacon known as Johan would develop a new code of chivalry governing peace deals.

This worked surprisingly well, although many peasants and clergy were deeply unhappy. Sometimes the declarations of war would have to be delayed due to the stability of the nation being at -3. Indeed, the mob that captured Morbihan in 1424 had as their slogan “death to the unchivalrous Jean who has no honour, and brings misery and death by his breaking of holy oaths and truces. However, as later historians would show, these people were in fact evil protestants- after being crushed by the Bretons, Jean decided to be lenient with the revolting peasants, and merely sold them into slavery (another gift to the state).

Anyway, despite some random unimportant happenings where a marsh was drained, some people died from a plague, waves of obscurantism marched across the country and some evil priest selling indulgences, things went well for Bretagne, until by 1425, all of French territory apart from Franche-Comte and the capitals of the French and their allies were under the benevolent yet firm hand of le Duc de Bretagne, in spite of the peasants, who constantly revolted, citing tax collectors, low stab and war exhaustion as their reasons. Various progress in unimportant matters such as trade, infrastructure, taxation and the navy also occurred every now and then, although they were really only one point above where they were originally.

But just when things seemed to be going well, an ominous messenger appeared before Jean’s court. In July of 1425 Jean, Ewan and Merde D’Oc were discussing ways to be kind towards the rebels and the French, when suddenly a dark and shady figure entered the room.

“Who is it who dares stand before his most Christian Dukeness, Jean de Bretagne?”

The figure scowled.

“I am Xabier Arsullus, ambassador and loyal servant of Castille. I bring you this message- You must surrender Gibraltar to us and give us military access.”

“What?”

“Oh, sorry, that was the peace treaty we signed with Granada last month. What I meant to say was- Prepare for WAR! None can stand before the evil alliance of Castille, Aragon, Portugal and Navarra! Mwa ha ha ha ha !”

“But why us?”

“Well, your armies are small, and you’ve got some rich lands, and we’re a real warmonger and you’ve got a tarnished reputation. We don’t have any Casus Belli, but so what? Prepare to die, Breton scum!”

And with that, the evil Iberian ambassador walked out, muttering dark things.

Next- Bitter defeat.

*Lord Durham* · 04-03-2003, 03:49

Quote:

Originally posted by Gjerg Kastrioti

“But why us?”

“Well, your armies are small, and you’ve got some rich lands, and we’re a real warmonger and you’ve got a tarnished reputation. We don’t have any Casus Belli, but so what? Prepare to die, Breton scum!”

LoL.

You forgot, "And you've got bad breath!"
Pretty good AAR. I like the humour.

Syt · 04-03-2003, 04:30

Quote:

“I am Xabier Arsullus, ambassador and loyal servant of Castille. I bring you this message- You must surrender Gibraltar to us and give us military access.”

“What?”

“Oh, sorry, that was the peace treaty we signed with Granada last month. What I meant to say was- Prepare for WAR! None can stand before the evil alliance of Castille, Aragon, Portugal and Navarra! Mwa ha ha ha ha !”

LOL! One of the best ways to incorporate other countries' matters into an AAR I've seen so far.

Crimson King · 04-03-2003, 04:44

Quote:

Originally posted by Gjerg Kastrioti
A peace treaty would be signed between Bretagne and by the French and their allies, surrendering various bits of territory to Bretagne. In this treaty, there would be included a truce agreed to last 5 years. Jean would then break the truce, declare war on Orleans, besiege it and use the victory over Orleans to demand territory from the Valois, which would be granted. This happened 4 or 5 times, greatly enlarging Brtagne?s holdings. Apparently as a result of these kind of doings, the deacon known as Johan would develop a new code of chivalry governing peace deals.

This got me chuckling. I've never seen anyone work a patch into an AAR before.

Gjerg Kastrioti · 04-03-2003, 09:38

I'm glad you all liked it.

I guess its time for me to respond to your respective AARs, which I recently read. Maybe I'll try and post a screenshot as well, if my hosting works.

Anyway the next part.

1424-1426 The Darkest days.

The declaration of war by the evil Iberian alliance had come at a bad time for Bretagne. The country appeared to be incredibly unstable. Riots were breaking out against the new tax collectors installed by Jean- and despite the large territory gained, the duchy's military forces were very weak, used mostly to siege Orleans while dodging the larger French forces. Fortunately, both England and Burgundy agreed to help Bretagne, although the Duke of Burgundy was known to personally detest Jean's guts, he hated the Castillians more. However, the help Burgundy could give was limited, as shortly afterwards an evil coalition of German and Netherlander cities lead by Munster and comprising Mainz, Hessen, Gelre and Kleves declared war on Burgundy, sensing weakness. This was soon followed by another alliance led by Lorraine, and including the Palatinate, Friesland and Oldenburg. This meant that Bretagne was facing a multi front war- a German invasion from the north, and an Iberian invasion from the south, as well as continued war with the French alliance, along with peasant revolts. The situation was grim indeed…

"Listen Ewan", said Jean, in a hastily convened council of war in Jean's headquarters in Morbihan. "I have a plan that cannot fail. I propose that we build large cavalry armies, then split them up into smaller force. We will send a large cavalry force to attack the enemy, and then send in reinforcements in small amounts. We will attack the Castillians with these smaller forces, breaking their morale, and winning the battle."

"But mon Duc, this strategy is risky. Besides which, it is the most ridiculous strategy I have ever heard of. Do you think this is a game?"

"No Buts! Just do it!"

And off the Breton Army went, to face the might of the Iberian alliance. Sadly however, Jean's plan did not work out. The evil Castillians and Aragonese wiped out the initial force, and then destroyed with contemptuous ease the smaller forces arriving in dribs and drabs. It was perhaps rather foolish of Jean to declare war against Orleans once again, dropping stability again, but he was always a rather impetuous fellow. In some previous war, Auvergne had dishonored their alliance with France. This had prompted the French king, once war with Bretagne was over, to declare war and punish Auvergne. Naturally, Jean saw his chance and declared war again, declaring war against Orleans again. This time, to grab the last remaining French territory, apart from Paris, Franche-Comte.

At the same time, Venice and the Papacy hatched a somewhat ridiculous plot to grab Burgundy. Although joining the war on Burgundy's side, Bretagne quickly made peace based upon the status quo ante. Breton diplomats also succeeded in making white peace with the evil German alliance. Burgundy, however, would continue to fight on.

The Iberian alliance, however, continued to advance- no peace treaty would satisfy them without territorial gain. On they marched, burning the houses, looting, pillaging and raping, leaving a trail of destruction wherever they went. However, many of the lands they passed through were already in the grip of civil unrest- troops of the French and Castillian alliances would often work together to put down peasant uprisings. Jean was far away- no troops could be spared. Despite the war taxes, almost the entire country was being looted, and little revenue was obtained.

However, 1425 saw some light. By taking loans, jean was able to buy off the Portuguese and Navarrans. Merde D'Oc recruited more mercenary scum to crush the rebel scum. However, the loss of Guyenne in December of 1425 to Castille was a severe blow. In March 1426, despite constant storms, ice, cold, snow and lack of food, Franche-Comte fell to Breton forces. Peace was made with the French alliance, ceding the territory to Bretagne. However, peace would not be found until the Iberians had left.

However, Jean was not thinking of Peace. Despite continued war with Castille and Aragon, in August of 1426, despite a plague which devastated Picardy, Jean decided to gamble once more. Again breaking truce, Jean declared war on Orleans- It would be his last gamble to take the crown of France. Whether it would succeed, with rebel besieging the capital, Castillian and Aragonese armies continuing to advance, and almost the entire nation in arms was anyone's guess.

The die was cast. All of France waited to see which way it would fall.

Gjerg Kastrioti · 04-03-2003, 10:16

Ok, lets give this a whirl...

Gjerg Kastrioti · 04-03-2003, 10:23

Did that work for everyone? Anyway, you can see why they changed the peace system in 1.06, a determined individual could get away with a lot.

I also slightly exagerated Bretagne's plight... but hey!

Roi de Rouge, The sea dog sultans is very good.

Systass- Praise from the master! I am touched. Did you pick up the hidden joke about the ambassador?

Lord Durham- that's nice to know. I will endeavour to keep this AAR funny. has Portugal or bust finished? (mental note to go back and have a look).

Director · 05-03-2003, 11:16

Churchill said a nation with two hundred cheeses must be in good health.

De Gaulle said a nation with three hundred cheeses is ungovernable.

This points up the critical 'Strategic Cheese Gap' and is a full explanation of Paradox's decision to omit the fabled 'Cheese Manufacturies' promised in the initial advertisements.

Sorry to be joining you so late, Gjerj, but I'm glad to be here. You have a wicked, wicked sense of humor and a ruthless style of gameplay. Being conquered by the Iberians? Go conquer more land from France!

I admire your... zeal... at the same time that your numerous declarations of war make me nervous.

Silly me! I thought the purpose of declaring war on Orleans was to conquer Orleans! I never knew it could be used to milk provinces from France! I suppose that with v1.06 those days are behind us now.

Seriously, do you have any Military Access rights? Bretagne is split into three parts, much like Roman Gaul. Or do you just stay at war all the time and march where you wish?

Norgesvenn · 05-03-2003, 11:56

I'll add my voice to all the praise. I like this.

Brittany is an exciting nation to play as well.

Apebe · 05-03-2003, 12:22

I must join to the great signatures who have posted in this book. Yep, I like this humour too .... kinda worried with your reputation though

Gjerg Kastrioti · 05-03-2003, 15:24

Apebe-

I think my reputation at this point was tarnished. It shot up to rather bad after I became France, and after grabbing some territories from Burgundy and Brittany, it became very bad, and so on. Before this game I had tried to avoid a bad reputation at all costs. This game taught me if you're careful, you can get away with almost anything (I wasn't careul, by the way)

Director-

I believe that Paradox decided to leave cheese out in order to prevent France from being even more of a monster. After all, France is strong enough as it is- if it gets the extra cheese- well, it would be Francia Universalis.

Norgesvenn- Glad you like it. Any chance of the righteous Bastaards being finished? Don't the Bigglesians have a chance?

Anyway- the next installment.

Gjerg Kastrioti · 05-03-2003, 16:11

(oh, yes, regarding Mil Access Director, this post will show you)

Christmas Day, 1426

It was Christmas. Exhausted by war, Jean was settling down to attend to some of the day to day business of duchy at his desk. It had been a trying few months, not helped by the ridiculous visitors. The first one had come two months ago, one Signore Mangianello.

"So, what is it you want Signore Mangianello?"

"Well, asa you well know Italian engineers are renowned-a thoughout Europe-a, for their skill in seige craft. I will teach your men to build better walls, cannon and-a trenches."

"So basically, you'll teach my army to fight like… wimps who run off and hide behind fortifications when the enemy comes."

"That’s-a right. It is a fighting technique that has made Italy what it is today."

"A patchwork of states struggling together, each too small to defend themselves against foreign invaders?"

"Si! Well, whadda you say, Doge?"

"Get out, and don't come back!"

The Italian engineer was then shown the door, to a deep dark dungeon which was a very unpleasant place to stay.

Even worse was the scheme one of his nobles had hatched to get out of paying his taxes. Some lord of Morbihan had proposed a scheme whereby he payed an upfront fee and, was then in charge of collecting his own taxes, which he believed were too high currently. But Jean had been quite clear, there would be no sale of Offices.

However, despite being beset by rebels, Castillians, Aragonese, the French and their vassals, and recently by Germans and Italians (who had been kind enough to go home though), Jean had scored one small diplomatic victory. The English King had agreed, after enormous bribes, to allow Breton forces to march across English territory. Jean smiled as he remembered the fine diplomacy that ad gone into the agreement.

Dear Henry VI Plantagenet, Evil King of England,

greetings from your absolutely loyal ally Jean de Bretagne. Over the years you have oppressed both the Celts and the French with equal vigour, and you continue to illegally occupy the Island where we Bretons once found our home. Anyway, please find some gifts that we stole from the French, which you with your complete lack of taste would find appealing. We must also ask that you allow our troops free passage across your lands, in order to fight the war against the French, which we are fighting without you. Rest assured we will not use this to launch some kind of devastaing surprise attack to punish you for your tyranny and Oppression of the Celtic and French peoples.

Yours sincerely,

Jean, le Duc de Bretagne.

PS. Is it true you are descended from Satan?

The reply came shortly afterwards

Dear Jean the Duc de Bretagne,

thank you for your fine gifts. We were wondering how much more we could squeeze out of you, but we've decided to allow your troops to pass across English territory, as your small pathetic duchy can do us no harm whatsoever. Your recent victories have been due to luck on your part, and we rest easy that one day you will be annexed and made part of our realm. As to your other question, of our descent from the Prince of Darkness, there is no firm proof, but we like to think so.

Yours imperiously,

Henry VI, Plantagent, King of England and France, and you soon.

Now that Jean's troops could march where they pleased, they were in a much better position to fight wars and use all of their territory to their advantage. However, it wasn't enough, and Jean was convinced that the Castillians would have to be bought off somehow. He would have to see the Ambassador again… oh, he was so tired, he'd just rest his eyes before seeing the Castillian ambassador.

Jean was awakened not by a noise but by a smell. With a start, he noticed a shabby, bearded figure standing before him. He/it was weaing a monk of the Franciscan type, with a large cross. However, the cloak hid his face. Suddenly, the figure spoke."

"Mark my words, Jean de Bretagne. Your efforts are futile. Your dynasty will achieve nothing. The end of days is near. The apocalypse will begin, and the final battle between good and evil will take at Armageddon. It will happen by 1600!The world will end by 1600!"

And with that the figure walked out. Stunned by this revelation Jean did not react, but then followed the figure into the courtyard- but the monk had vanished… The words kept echoing in Jean's head.

The world will end by 1600…

Gjerg Kastrioti · 07-03-2003, 12:38

THE WORLD WILL END BY 1600!

Jean was stunned. Would the world really end by 1600? Suddenly, he rushed out after the mysterious monk, but he was nowhere to be found. It was as though he had vanished into thin air...

Disturbed by the vision of the apocalypse, Jean realised that he really needed to see his wife. It had been almost 8 years since he had seen her last, he had been so busy with the war and what not. Jean headed off to the Ducal bed Chamber. But when he got there, he was agin shocked by what he found.

"Bronwyn! Who is this?!"

"Oh Jean, the Archbishop of Kleves was in the neighbourhood, and he said I was in need of confession. I told him I wasn't, but then he said I would be. And it just went on from there."

"Don't worry dear. I'm sure his holiness will agree to annul the marriage." Said the Archbishop, looking very pleased with himself.

What exactly happened next is difficult to verify, although it is believed the ex-archbishop found emoployment with the Sultan of Malacca as a eunuch. This sort of behaviour caused quite a scandal once the news reached court. The duchy was something of a laughing stock, and the skills of Breton's diplomats were seriously impaired.

On the military front there was more serious news. Provence had captured Langue D'oc, despite an effort by Merde D'oc to prevent them. The French captured Caux, rebels captured Franch-comte, and the French captured Caux. More serious was the new of the capture by Aragonese forces of Cevennes. It seemed as though all of Jean's work would collapse like a house of cards. Even worse was the prospect of meeting the grinning Spanish ambassador, Xabier Arsallus again.. but the time could no longer be delayed. Bretagne could not fight everyone at once…

Senor Arsallus was looking extremely smug as he was walking in, with an enormous grin on his face.

"So, how does the pathetic duchy of Bretagne fare today? Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"All right, you win you Castillian scum. You can have Guyenne" said Jean, looking defeated.

"Well, I realise that we hold Guyenne, but I really want more. Give us Bretagne."

"What? You don't even control it!"

"We realise that, but we really want something more valuable. Besides, the prospect of a Breton state that doesn't control Bretagne is really too funny for us to pass up." Arsallus grinned, revealing pieces of food in his teeth.

"You scum! I'LL KILL YOU!" But any rash action on Jean's part was halted as Ewan held him back.

"Really my dear Duke," taunted Arsallus. "I'm surprised at you. Surely you realise that I am absolutely loyal to Castille. I would die for Castille."

"Arr… All right you win. You can have Bretagne."

"Excellent. Ha ha ha! The Duc de Bretagne has lost Bretagne! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"I warn", snarled Jean. "One day we will avenge our defeat!"

"Oh yes?" said Arsallus. "And how? Will you get some super leaders to lead your armies? You would do better if your armies were led by a teenage girl! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

And laughing still, the evil ambassador left the room.

"It isn't so bad, Jean", said Ewan. "At least we can concentrate on the war against the French."

"You mean that the Franks! They're the Franks! We're the true Gauls! It is time to finish the job! We must gather our forces and strike!"

Taxes were raised. Noble families gave up their first born sons to serve in the cavalry. The peasants pledged to work twice as hard (Infra 2 reached Nov 1427). The war with France took a long time however. The French armies were led by Constable Richemont, whose military prowess was such that there were rumours he had dark powers which prolonged his life and gave him super strength. Eventually however, Richemont was crushed in the province of Caux by thousands of Breton cavalry. Later, the last French army was crushed out side the walls of Paris in early 1428. In March 1428, Ile de France was captured by Merde D'Oc. Jean, wearing silver armour, riding a blinding white stallion and with a cross on his breastplate. Riding in triumph through the streets of Paris, Jean arrived at the decadent palace of the vile usurpers known as the Valois.

"In the name of God, I Jean de Bretagne, demand that you acknowledge our rightful rule, and submit to Bretagne!"

However, the reply was not quite what Jean expected. Charles de Valois himself appeared, and gave a short reply.

"I'm sorry, I can’t accept your proposal of annexation. A nation that produces 300 types of cheese cannot perish."

Jean was somewhat dumbfounded by the rejection of his annexation proposal, which was really quite unheard of. After he had recovered from this surprise, he ordered Merde D'oc to round up all the makers of Roquefort, and had them forcibly enlisted in the army. All other records on how to make Roquefort were destroyed, as well as all stocks of this kind of cheese. With the task completed by April 17th, this brought the total types of cheese produced in France to 299, and thus made annexation possible.

Peasants and nobles clogged the streets and cheered alike as the Breton forces rode into Paris. The street was strewn with flowers, and the sun shone brightly. People would later remember that on this day, unseasonable flowers bloomed, sick people were suddenly well again, birds sung and all was well in the fare land of France. Upon entering into the Valois palace, a hushed crowd waited as Jean made his triumphal entry.

"Today, France is dead. Vive la France!"

(Note, I force annexed France on April 17th, and became France on May 2nd 1428, but hey)

Gjerg Kastrioti · 07-03-2003, 13:07

And here is the screenshot after we became France...

Vive la France!

Apebe · 10-03-2003, 10:12

Quote:

Originally posted by Gjerg Kastrioti
"Oh yes?" said Arsallus. "And how? Will you get some super leaders to lead your armies? You would do better if your armies were led by a teenage girl! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

but now you will be able to shut up his mouth !

03-03-2003, 09:38	#1
Gjerg Kastrioti Field Marshal Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Brisbane Posts: 3,361	Rule Bretagne- The Chevaliers of the AARpocalypse Hello all I began an AAR a while ago before giving it up. This was one played in 1.05 with Very Hard/Furious. I hope you like it.

04-03-2003, 09:38	#10
Gjerg Kastrioti Field Marshal Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Brisbane Posts: 3,361	I'm glad you all liked it. I guess its time for me to respond to your respective AARs, which I recently read. Maybe I'll try and post a screenshot as well, if my hosting works. Anyway the next part. 1424-1426 The Darkest days. The declaration of war by the evil Iberian alliance had come at a bad time for Bretagne. The country appeared to be incredibly unstable. Riots were breaking out against the new tax collectors installed by Jean- and despite the large territory gained, the duchy's military forces were very weak, used mostly to siege Orleans while dodging the larger French forces. Fortunately, both England and Burgundy agreed to help Bretagne, although the Duke of Burgundy was known to personally detest Jean's guts, he hated the Castillians more. However, the help Burgundy could give was limited, as shortly afterwards an evil coalition of German and Netherlander cities lead by Munster and comprising Mainz, Hessen, Gelre and Kleves declared war on Burgundy, sensing weakness. This was soon followed by another alliance led by Lorraine, and including the Palatinate, Friesland and Oldenburg. This meant that Bretagne was facing a multi front war- a German invasion from the north, and an Iberian invasion from the south, as well as continued war with the French alliance, along with peasant revolts. The situation was grim indeed… "Listen Ewan", said Jean, in a hastily convened council of war in Jean's headquarters in Morbihan. "I have a plan that cannot fail. I propose that we build large cavalry armies, then split them up into smaller force. We will send a large cavalry force to attack the enemy, and then send in reinforcements in small amounts. We will attack the Castillians with these smaller forces, breaking their morale, and winning the battle." "But mon Duc, this strategy is risky. Besides which, it is the most ridiculous strategy I have ever heard of. Do you think this is a game?" "No Buts! Just do it!" And off the Breton Army went, to face the might of the Iberian alliance. Sadly however, Jean's plan did not work out. The evil Castillians and Aragonese wiped out the initial force, and then destroyed with contemptuous ease the smaller forces arriving in dribs and drabs. It was perhaps rather foolish of Jean to declare war against Orleans once again, dropping stability again, but he was always a rather impetuous fellow. In some previous war, Auvergne had dishonored their alliance with France. This had prompted the French king, once war with Bretagne was over, to declare war and punish Auvergne. Naturally, Jean saw his chance and declared war again, declaring war against Orleans again. This time, to grab the last remaining French territory, apart from Paris, Franche-Comte. At the same time, Venice and the Papacy hatched a somewhat ridiculous plot to grab Burgundy. Although joining the war on Burgundy's side, Bretagne quickly made peace based upon the status quo ante. Breton diplomats also succeeded in making white peace with the evil German alliance. Burgundy, however, would continue to fight on. The Iberian alliance, however, continued to advance- no peace treaty would satisfy them without territorial gain. On they marched, burning the houses, looting, pillaging and raping, leaving a trail of destruction wherever they went. However, many of the lands they passed through were already in the grip of civil unrest- troops of the French and Castillian alliances would often work together to put down peasant uprisings. Jean was far away- no troops could be spared. Despite the war taxes, almost the entire country was being looted, and little revenue was obtained. However, 1425 saw some light. By taking loans, jean was able to buy off the Portuguese and Navarrans. Merde D'Oc recruited more mercenary scum to crush the rebel scum. However, the loss of Guyenne in December of 1425 to Castille was a severe blow. In March 1426, despite constant storms, ice, cold, snow and lack of food, Franche-Comte fell to Breton forces. Peace was made with the French alliance, ceding the territory to Bretagne. However, peace would not be found until the Iberians had left. However, Jean was not thinking of Peace. Despite continued war with Castille and Aragon, in August of 1426, despite a plague which devastated Picardy, Jean decided to gamble once more. Again breaking truce, Jean declared war on Orleans- It would be his last gamble to take the crown of France. Whether it would succeed, with rebel besieging the capital, Castillian and Aragonese armies continuing to advance, and almost the entire nation in arms was anyone's guess. The die was cast. All of France waited to see which way it would fall. Last edited by Gjerg Kastrioti; 04-03-2003 at 09:48.

04-03-2003, 10:16	#11
Gjerg Kastrioti Field Marshal Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Brisbane Posts: 3,361	Ok, lets give this a whirl... Last edited by Gjerg Kastrioti; 23-08-2003 at 08:39.

05-03-2003, 11:16	#13
Director Maestro Demi Moderator Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Mobile AL Posts: 3,578	Churchill said a nation with two hundred cheeses must be in good health. De Gaulle said a nation with three hundred cheeses is ungovernable. This points up the critical 'Strategic Cheese Gap' and is a full explanation of Paradox's decision to omit the fabled 'Cheese Manufacturies' promised in the initial advertisements. Sorry to be joining you so late, Gjerj, but I'm glad to be here. You have a wicked, wicked sense of humor and a ruthless style of gameplay. Being conquered by the Iberians? Go conquer more land from France! I admire your... zeal... at the same time that your numerous declarations of war make me nervous. Silly me! I thought the purpose of declaring war on Orleans was to conquer Orleans! I never knew it could be used to milk provinces from France! I suppose that with v1.06 those days are behind us now. Seriously, do you have any Military Access rights? Bretagne is split into three parts, much like Roman Gaul. Or do you just stay at war all the time and march where you wish? __________________ "That which does not kill me, has made a grave tactical error." - Jerry Pournelle Seven AARs and a picture, too: Director's Inkwell A Special Providence - An Ongoing Vic/Rev AAR of the Knights Temporal in the Victorian Era, A Tale of The Axe and the Killing Frost +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

05-03-2003, 11:56	#14
Norgesvenn LurkAAR Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Middle of nowhere, Norway Posts: 3,515	I'll add my voice to all the praise. I like this. Brittany is an exciting nation to play as well. __________________ Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. - John Kenneth Galbraith

03-03-2003, 09:40	#2
Gjerg Kastrioti Field Marshal Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Brisbane Posts: 3,361	Rule Bretagne, Bretagne rule the earth, Bretons, always, always, always, shall be serfs. (Extract from the English version of a popular Breton song) Dec 31st 1418 Anno Domini All of Gaul has been conquered by Germanic tribes, such as the Franks, English, and Burgundians. All? No! For one duchy of indomitable Bretons still resists the invaders, and life is not easy for the garrisons of the Vendee, Maine and Normandy… Jean de Bretagne, the only true ruler of the land improperly called “France” by some ignorant people, lay awake, wrestling with the problems confronting him. He was of course, the only true ruler of Gaul, claiming descent from none other than Vercingetorix, the great leader, who had united all the tribes of Gaul under his leadership against the Roman invader Julius Caeser, before being completely defeated by the Romans. Jean was also descended from Caeser Augustus, Attila the Hun, King Arthur, Charlemagne, the Prophet Muhammed, Han Wudi, and Frederick Barbarossa, and of course Jesus Christ, but the annoying thing was that no-one seemed to recognise his claim to the throne, nor his ancestry. People seemed to think he was merely a pawn in a game of politics, to be shoved around by the two most powerful Germanic invaders, the English and the French. Indeed, at the moment, in order to survive the so-called "88 years war", previous monarchs had been compelled to offer up vasselship to the hated English and join them in their evil war of aggression against the French. Jean sighed, seeing no way out of the problems. It looked as though Bretagne, the last true Gallic nation, would be forced to become a mere slab of someone else’s territory (Obviously, Scotland and Eire, although also Celtic nations, were too disunited and poor to really be counted). Normally, Jean as Duc, would have partaken in the festivities that would bring in the new year. However, this time, he was too tired from the business of preparing for the war declared by their harsh overlord, Henry Plantagenet. Jean instead retired early and eventually drifted off into a restless sleep… “Jeanne… Jeanne…” A voice spoke out of the darkness. A blinding light appeared, and an awe inspiring heavenly vision appeared before the astonished Jean de Bretagne. “Jeanne d’Arc… I am the Archangel Michael. I bring thee a message from the Lord. Thou must lead France to victory in these dark times Jeanne- you must inspire your troops to victory.” “Eh… Quoi? But how, I have few troops of my own?” “Jeanne D’arc, with your faith and courage, men will follow you… Your spirit will be an example to all. The dauphin must be crowned at Orleans… Your must save Orleans from the English… You are destined to save France…” “Me? Well, I suppose that I had always known that I was destined for greatness…” “Jeanne”, spake the angel once more, “Take thee this sword, it once belonged to Charlemagne… use it to bring victory… “Angel! I thank you! But I have one question- why do you keep calling me Jeanne D’Arc? I am Jean de Bretagne.” Although, being mere manifestations of the will of god, it is impossible that Angels have emotions. However, it almost seemed as though a frown crossed the face of the serene being, and a look of confusion spread across he/she/it’s celestial features. “Oh… I see um… Never mind, forget everything! Um… Oh dear…” And with that the vision vanished abruptly. Jean awoke with a start. Had it been a dream? The dawn rays of the sun floated in. The somewhat disagreeable smells of the peasants tilling the fields of Jean’s Ducal estate wafted in through the window. And there on the windowsill… It was a sword! Ragged and old, it must have been true! It was Jean’s destiny to drive out the English. But how? It was a sign from god- Jean's destiny was to unite Gaul, whatever the cost. Jean instantly sprang up, and ordered his captain of the guard to immediately assemble his military advisors and senior nobles. They must be told that it was God's will that Brittany unite France under his divine leadership! A small note must be made regarding Breton social structure here. In general, the peasants were mostly speakers of the Bythrionic (British) branch of the Celtic. The nobles mostly spoke French, with however, some small differences from normal French. After summoning the war council of the Bretons, and his trusty advisor Ewan d'Armour, the course of the war was discussed. Although Bretagne's forces were vastly outnumbered by the Franks and their evil Barons, Bretagne's chances were increased by the fact that the Evil English and Burgundians were fighting against the Franks. It was quickly agreed that Bretange's small infanty forces would attempt to siege various provinces, while a small cavalry force would be sent forward to forage for supplies. Both forces were given strict instructions to avoid conflict with enemy forces. Discussions between jean and Ewan continued, when suddenly a message was to Jean that a large group of rather rough Scots were outside, carrying a variety of sabers, pikes and other implements of destruction. Jean ordered their leader brought before Jean. “And who is it, that it is, addresses le Duc de Bretagne” “I am Murdoch. Me and my band of ruthless mercenary scum wish to aid your small pathetic duchy in your wars.’ “Against the French or the English?” “Aye, that's right” “Very well, Monsieur Merde D’Oc, you are hired for an initial fee of 80 ducats. C’est bon, n’est il pas?” “Aye. Whatever”. After the negotiations were concluded, Merde D’Oc wandered off. "I wonder wha' happened te' the sword I happened te misplace…" The first part of Jean’s quest to unite Gaul against the heinous invaders was to send the evil Plantagenet monarch of England, a non-entity called Henry V a personal gift, which dramatically improved the relations with England. This act of kindness caused an immediate revolt among the peasantry (random revolt), who believed that there hard earned work was fattening the bellies of the bloated English. Fortunately, Merde D’Oc and his mercenaries along with Jean’d Ducal forces were available to crush the uprising, and the peasants went back to their fields. By march 14th, after another small gift, the English king decreed that Bretagne was not merely a vassal, but also an ally. Jean naturally broke vasselage immediately afterwards, on the justified theory that the English were too busy fighting the Franks to bring a wayward vassal back into line. The duke of Burgundy was unhappy because he hated all Bretons with a passion, but after he was attacked by a vile coalition of German cities comprising Lorraine, Munster, Oldenburg and some other unimportant cities, he was glad of the help. Jean decreed a new set of temporary taxes to finance the war effort, a new set of laws limiting the list of people who could be considered noble (aristocracy +1) and the recruitment of new troops. Despite these measures, the war had sadly gone extremely badly for the brave Celtic warriors of Bretagne. Their attempts to besiege Maine and the Vendee were spoilt by stupid English commanders who came along and took over the sieges, stopping Bretagne from claiming what was rightfully hers. What was worse however, was that the English king, Henry V Plantagenet, was a complete fool. Apparently at some place called "Agincourt" the small and badly trained English force had been slaughtered by a massed Frankish force. Henry V would go down in history as one of the most incompetent English monarchs ever. Perhaps however, the most significant part of the war was the peace treaty signed between England the Duc D'Orleans, where despite English control of Orleans, peace was made for a mere 56 ducats. Jean de Bretagne had tried to get his duchy out of England's war of aggression, by making peace with France's small an unimportant allies. Sadly however, after England made peace for a small sum, Bretagne was left to face the wrath of the EVIL Frankish armies alone. A large French force supported by their pathetic allies besieged Armour- in order to spare the population the deaths that would follow after the Franks stormed the city, Jean reluctantly agreed to surrender the city, surrendering Rennes to the Franks in August of 1422. Although Brittany had lost territory to the Franks, they were not so badly off as Burgundy. The incompetent duke of Burgundy had lost much of his territory, the lands of Franche Comte and Artois, despite the fact that Franche Comte was held as an imperial, rather than a Frankish fief. Jean was strangely confident as the standard of Bretagne was lowered over Armour, and Fleuir de Lys was raised over the walls of the town of Rennes, once more symbolising Frankish dominance over the Gauls. Jean however, was philosophical about the loss. "Now we have them just where we want them…" Next- Bretagne's revenge on the evil Germanic invaders.

03-03-2003, 10:07	#3
Gjerg Kastrioti Field Marshal Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Brisbane Posts: 3,361	Si j'avance, suivez-moi! Si je retreate, tuez-moi! Si Je mort, vengez-moi! Jean de Bretagne, August 2nd, 1422 The laws of Chivalry prohibited renewed fighting for a period of five years following the end of hostilities. However, Jean knew that he was doing God’s work, and anyway, Chivalry was devised the evil Germanic Franks, while the Celts, although far more honourable than the Franks would ever be, refused to be bound by this vile code. So it was on August 2nd 1422 that Jean de Bretagne declared war on Orleans. Jean gave an inspiring speech. “My Fellow Bretons! We cannot stand while the evil Frankish king plots our destruction! We must destroy them, or we will never be free! If I advance, follow me! If I retreat, shoot me! If I die, avenge me! Vive la Grande Bretagne!” And with that Jean charged forward, leading the glorious Breton army, which numbered all of 12000 men, to Orleans, and glory or death. Jean was however, somewhat worried that Murdoch seemed to take his second phrase somewhat literally, and was often seen near Jean with a very large crossbow, a bolt ready to kill Jean if he retreated. Orleans was of course the target because of the Angel's Prophecy. The new Dauphin of France would be crowned at Orleans… Besides, rumor had it that Orleans was controlled by some kind of evil PrisonAAR who aspired to rule the world. Rather than invite the ham fisted (and evil) English and Burgundians into the war, Jean decided to win the war alone… a dangerous gamble. Merde D’Oc quickly crushed the defenders of Orleans by sending swift waves of Cavalry, before besieging Orleans and waiting until the Pathetic defenders surrendered. Fortunately, after Bretagne's cause was aided by the death of a rich Merchant. Merde D'oc suspected the merchant was carrying supplies to the French, so Jean decided to have all his assets siezed, pending an inquiry to take place in 100 years. The assets were worth a large amount, and made an excellent gift to the state (200 d) The French did very little to help their beleaguered vassal and ally- the reason was found shortly afterwards, when the brave and chivalrous Breton forces stormed the city, collaterally damaging many enemy guilty civilians. Orleans was being used by the French king to hold a conference of war- None other than Charles de Valois himself, along with the king of Scotland, and the Dukes and Barons of Provence, Orleans and Bourbonais were discussing ways to destroy the Bretons. Only the Comte de Auvergne was absent, being deemed to evil even for the French. “Well, well, what have we here. All my enemies in one spot! With one word I could have you all put to death!” gloated Jean, for although he was a deeply Christian man, he couldn’t help himself after crushing a hated enemy. “Cut out the pleasantries, Jean”, sneared Charles de Valois, his face contorted with frustrated rage. “What do you want?” “As you know, as the rightful descendent of Vercingetorix…” the assembled nobility groaned. Jean was always known for droning on about his dubious lineage. “And so, the territories of Maine, Picardie, and Armour, to which I have perfect right, will be transferred to Bretagne without delay." “Bah! My armies are far larger than yours! I will crush you- Like a bug!” sneered the evil Frankish king. “Merde D’oc, pass me that crossbow.” Said Jean. Merde D’oc obliged, giving Jean his enormous crossbow. Jean pointed it towards Charles de Valois’s head. “I know what you’re thinking. Have I fired one or no bolts? Well, in all this excitement, I’ve kind of lost track myself. So you’ve got to ask yourself a question. Feeling lucky? Well, are you punk?” Next- the bid for Supremacy- thwarted?

04-03-2003, 02:48	#5
Gjerg Kastrioti Field Marshal Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Brisbane Posts: 3,361	Glad you like it, Roi de Rouge. Jean is of course, also a direct descendent of Ghenghis Khan and the Bhudda, as well as ,many other notable figures. He certainly isn't some sort of provincial noble with a dubious ancestry. Anyway, I'll get on with the next installment.

04-03-2003, 10:23	#12
Gjerg Kastrioti Field Marshal Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Brisbane Posts: 3,361	Did that work for everyone? Anyway, you can see why they changed the peace system in 1.06, a determined individual could get away with a lot. I also slightly exagerated Bretagne's plight... but hey! Roi de Rouge, The sea dog sultans is very good. Systass- Praise from the master! I am touched. Did you pick up the hidden joke about the ambassador? Lord Durham- that's nice to know. I will endeavour to keep this AAR funny. has Portugal or bust finished? (mental note to go back and have a look).

05-03-2003, 12:22	#15
Apebe Running Joke Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: en Ovalie Posts: 6,141	I must join to the great signatures who have posted in this book. Yep, I like this humour too .... kinda worried with your reputation though __________________ musicien amateur Apebekistan, petit lexique commentaires AAR

05-03-2003, 15:24	#16
Gjerg Kastrioti Field Marshal Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Brisbane Posts: 3,361	Apebe- I think my reputation at this point was tarnished. It shot up to rather bad after I became France, and after grabbing some territories from Burgundy and Brittany, it became very bad, and so on. Before this game I had tried to avoid a bad reputation at all costs. This game taught me if you're careful, you can get away with almost anything (I wasn't careul, by the way) Director- I believe that Paradox decided to leave cheese out in order to prevent France from being even more of a monster. After all, France is strong enough as it is- if it gets the extra cheese- well, it would be Francia Universalis. Norgesvenn- Glad you like it. Any chance of the righteous Bastaards being finished? Don't the Bigglesians have a chance? Anyway- the next installment.

05-03-2003, 16:11	#17
Gjerg Kastrioti Field Marshal Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Brisbane Posts: 3,361	(oh, yes, regarding Mil Access Director, this post will show you) Christmas Day, 1426 It was Christmas. Exhausted by war, Jean was settling down to attend to some of the day to day business of duchy at his desk. It had been a trying few months, not helped by the ridiculous visitors. The first one had come two months ago, one Signore Mangianello. "So, what is it you want Signore Mangianello?" "Well, asa you well know Italian engineers are renowned-a thoughout Europe-a, for their skill in seige craft. I will teach your men to build better walls, cannon and-a trenches." "So basically, you'll teach my army to fight like… wimps who run off and hide behind fortifications when the enemy comes." "That’s-a right. It is a fighting technique that has made Italy what it is today." "A patchwork of states struggling together, each too small to defend themselves against foreign invaders?" "Si! Well, whadda you say, Doge?" "Get out, and don't come back!" The Italian engineer was then shown the door, to a deep dark dungeon which was a very unpleasant place to stay. Even worse was the scheme one of his nobles had hatched to get out of paying his taxes. Some lord of Morbihan had proposed a scheme whereby he payed an upfront fee and, was then in charge of collecting his own taxes, which he believed were too high currently. But Jean had been quite clear, there would be no sale of Offices. However, despite being beset by rebels, Castillians, Aragonese, the French and their vassals, and recently by Germans and Italians (who had been kind enough to go home though), Jean had scored one small diplomatic victory. The English King had agreed, after enormous bribes, to allow Breton forces to march across English territory. Jean smiled as he remembered the fine diplomacy that ad gone into the agreement. Dear Henry VI Plantagenet, Evil King of England, greetings from your absolutely loyal ally Jean de Bretagne. Over the years you have oppressed both the Celts and the French with equal vigour, and you continue to illegally occupy the Island where we Bretons once found our home. Anyway, please find some gifts that we stole from the French, which you with your complete lack of taste would find appealing. We must also ask that you allow our troops free passage across your lands, in order to fight the war against the French, which we are fighting without you. Rest assured we will not use this to launch some kind of devastaing surprise attack to punish you for your tyranny and Oppression of the Celtic and French peoples. Yours sincerely, Jean, le Duc de Bretagne. PS. Is it true you are descended from Satan? The reply came shortly afterwards Dear Jean the Duc de Bretagne, thank you for your fine gifts. We were wondering how much more we could squeeze out of you, but we've decided to allow your troops to pass across English territory, as your small pathetic duchy can do us no harm whatsoever. Your recent victories have been due to luck on your part, and we rest easy that one day you will be annexed and made part of our realm. As to your other question, of our descent from the Prince of Darkness, there is no firm proof, but we like to think so. Yours imperiously, Henry VI, Plantagent, King of England and France, and you soon. Now that Jean's troops could march where they pleased, they were in a much better position to fight wars and use all of their territory to their advantage. However, it wasn't enough, and Jean was convinced that the Castillians would have to be bought off somehow. He would have to see the Ambassador again… oh, he was so tired, he'd just rest his eyes before seeing the Castillian ambassador. Jean was awakened not by a noise but by a smell. With a start, he noticed a shabby, bearded figure standing before him. He/it was weaing a monk of the Franciscan type, with a large cross. However, the cloak hid his face. Suddenly, the figure spoke." "Mark my words, Jean de Bretagne. Your efforts are futile. Your dynasty will achieve nothing. The end of days is near. The apocalypse will begin, and the final battle between good and evil will take at Armageddon. It will happen by 1600!The world will end by 1600!" And with that the figure walked out. Stunned by this revelation Jean did not react, but then followed the figure into the courtyard- but the monk had vanished… The words kept echoing in Jean's head. The world will end by 1600…

07-03-2003, 12:38	#18
Gjerg Kastrioti Field Marshal Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Brisbane Posts: 3,361	THE WORLD WILL END BY 1600! Jean was stunned. Would the world really end by 1600? Suddenly, he rushed out after the mysterious monk, but he was nowhere to be found. It was as though he had vanished into thin air... Disturbed by the vision of the apocalypse, Jean realised that he really needed to see his wife. It had been almost 8 years since he had seen her last, he had been so busy with the war and what not. Jean headed off to the Ducal bed Chamber. But when he got there, he was agin shocked by what he found. "Bronwyn! Who is this?!" "Oh Jean, the Archbishop of Kleves was in the neighbourhood, and he said I was in need of confession. I told him I wasn't, but then he said I would be. And it just went on from there." "Don't worry dear. I'm sure his holiness will agree to annul the marriage." Said the Archbishop, looking very pleased with himself. What exactly happened next is difficult to verify, although it is believed the ex-archbishop found emoployment with the Sultan of Malacca as a eunuch. This sort of behaviour caused quite a scandal once the news reached court. The duchy was something of a laughing stock, and the skills of Breton's diplomats were seriously impaired. On the military front there was more serious news. Provence had captured Langue D'oc, despite an effort by Merde D'oc to prevent them. The French captured Caux, rebels captured Franch-comte, and the French captured Caux. More serious was the new of the capture by Aragonese forces of Cevennes. It seemed as though all of Jean's work would collapse like a house of cards. Even worse was the prospect of meeting the grinning Spanish ambassador, Xabier Arsallus again.. but the time could no longer be delayed. Bretagne could not fight everyone at once… Senor Arsallus was looking extremely smug as he was walking in, with an enormous grin on his face. "So, how does the pathetic duchy of Bretagne fare today? Ha ha ha ha ha!" "All right, you win you Castillian scum. You can have Guyenne" said Jean, looking defeated. "Well, I realise that we hold Guyenne, but I really want more. Give us Bretagne." "What? You don't even control it!" "We realise that, but we really want something more valuable. Besides, the prospect of a Breton state that doesn't control Bretagne is really too funny for us to pass up." Arsallus grinned, revealing pieces of food in his teeth. "You scum! I'LL KILL YOU!" But any rash action on Jean's part was halted as Ewan held him back. "Really my dear Duke," taunted Arsallus. "I'm surprised at you. Surely you realise that I am absolutely loyal to Castille. I would die for Castille." "Arr… All right you win. You can have Bretagne." "Excellent. Ha ha ha! The Duc de Bretagne has lost Bretagne! Ha ha ha ha ha!" "I warn", snarled Jean. "One day we will avenge our defeat!" "Oh yes?" said Arsallus. "And how? Will you get some super leaders to lead your armies? You would do better if your armies were led by a teenage girl! Ha ha ha ha ha!" And laughing still, the evil ambassador left the room. "It isn't so bad, Jean", said Ewan. "At least we can concentrate on the war against the French." "You mean that the Franks! They're the Franks! We're the true Gauls! It is time to finish the job! We must gather our forces and strike!" Taxes were raised. Noble families gave up their first born sons to serve in the cavalry. The peasants pledged to work twice as hard (Infra 2 reached Nov 1427). The war with France took a long time however. The French armies were led by Constable Richemont, whose military prowess was such that there were rumours he had dark powers which prolonged his life and gave him super strength. Eventually however, Richemont was crushed in the province of Caux by thousands of Breton cavalry. Later, the last French army was crushed out side the walls of Paris in early 1428. In March 1428, Ile de France was captured by Merde D'Oc. Jean, wearing silver armour, riding a blinding white stallion and with a cross on his breastplate. Riding in triumph through the streets of Paris, Jean arrived at the decadent palace of the vile usurpers known as the Valois. "In the name of God, I Jean de Bretagne, demand that you acknowledge our rightful rule, and submit to Bretagne!" However, the reply was not quite what Jean expected. Charles de Valois himself appeared, and gave a short reply. "I'm sorry, I can’t accept your proposal of annexation. A nation that produces 300 types of cheese cannot perish." Jean was somewhat dumbfounded by the rejection of his annexation proposal, which was really quite unheard of. After he had recovered from this surprise, he ordered Merde D'oc to round up all the makers of Roquefort, and had them forcibly enlisted in the army. All other records on how to make Roquefort were destroyed, as well as all stocks of this kind of cheese. With the task completed by April 17th, this brought the total types of cheese produced in France to 299, and thus made annexation possible. Peasants and nobles clogged the streets and cheered alike as the Breton forces rode into Paris. The street was strewn with flowers, and the sun shone brightly. People would later remember that on this day, unseasonable flowers bloomed, sick people were suddenly well again, birds sung and all was well in the fare land of France. Upon entering into the Valois palace, a hushed crowd waited as Jean made his triumphal entry. "Today, France is dead. Vive la France!" (Note, I force annexed France on April 17th, and became France on May 2nd 1428, but hey)

07-03-2003, 13:07	#19
Gjerg Kastrioti Field Marshal Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Brisbane Posts: 3,361	And here is the screenshot after we became France... Vive la France! Last edited by Gjerg Kastrioti; 23-08-2003 at 08:38.